smiler36 02.10.2005
I met a guy 4 weeks ago and we immediately hit it off. We
had 3 lovely weeks in which we saw each regularly and we both felt that we had
found someone special. However, his ex girlfriend has come back on the scene and
they are giving their relationship one last try. He has been honest with me over
all this and he admits that their relationship is self destructive and he is
unsure as to whether it will last. I know that the factors which caused their
split are still present. He is the kind of man who has never been unfaithful to
a partner, however, we met up 2 nights ago for a drink and he was his usual
touchy feely self. Kissing me and holding hands etc. We had lovely evening,
almost as if nothing had changed. Do you think that he may come back to me? He
has told me that he does not trust the woman he has gone back to and he is aware
that she is still in touch with the guy she has just left. Do I wait for him,
because I feel that he is the one for me.
Sam's Response
" Do you think that he may come back to me?"
If it does not work out with his girlfriend, then almost certainly yes, he
will come back to you. It is very likely that his relationship with his
current girlfriend will break down at some point. For a start if she has
wandered off with someone else once, she is more than likely to do it again.
Secondly very few second chances at relationships work out, because eventually
you hit the same problems you had before.
"He has told me that he does not trust the woman he has gone back to and he is
aware that she is still in touch with the guy she has just left."
The same rules apply to woman as men. If they are unfaithful once, they are
always going to be unfaithful. He is right not trusting her and probably a bit
disillusioned to go back to her.
"Do I wait for him, because I feel that he is the one for me."
It is just a question how long it will take for their relationship to break
down again. It could be days, months or even years. Do you really want to wait
that long? Secondly if he really fancied you that much then why shouldn't he
give you priority over her. But I suppose your relationship with him has only
been short and this other girlfriend has been more long term, so he probably
feels attached more to this other girlfriend.
I personally would say don't wait around, if he gets back to you before you
find another decent boyfriend, then that's a bonus. If he doesn't get back to
you before you find a new boyfriend, then tough luck to him. Or you have a
choice between him and your new boyfriend!
Smiler36 Reply on 02.10.2005
One more question....should i keep in touch with him via the odd text,
just to see how he is doing, and to keep me in his thoughts??? Or should i
give him his space? Thanks
Sam's Reply
It certainly won't hurt to send him the odd text. Just don't send too
many, too often, otherwise he will think you are a stalker (otherwise known
as a bunny boiler).Smiler36 Reply on
19.10.2005
Hi, futher to my recent posts to you, there has been a development or
two. The guy that i was talking about has now been dumped by his
girlfriend(just as you indicated would happen). We have agreed to meet (as
friends) for a coffee next week. However, i went to a wedding reception a
few days ago and bumped into him just as i was going in to the venue. (he
was at same venue for different reason). We had brief chat and then he gave
me a big hug and kissed me on the mouth. Why?? Does this indicate that he
still cares?? Or could he be just playing with my feelings??? I dont know
what to think. Your advice would be most welcome. Thanks.
Sam's Reply
You said "We had brief chat and then he gave me a big hug and kissed
me on the mouth. Why??" I don't really know, but he obviously wanted to for
some reason.
You said "Does this indicate that he still cares??" It is obvious he still
cares. He would not kiss you or hug you or agree to see you if he didn't
care. I am not sure that "care" is the right word to use for men though, men
only care significantly about women after they have been going out with them
for a long time. Care in this case, means he cares about having a
relationship with you.
You said "Or could he be just playing with my feelings???" Well he could be,
but in most cases things are black and white with men. The majority of men,
don't play too many games with women. Women tend to be much more socially
intelligent than men, which means if men play games, they usually end up
losing (and men don't like losing!). It is women that tend to do the game
playing and men have to respond to those games (some of them are quite
annoying games). Most men certainly don't play with feelings, most of them
don't know what the word "feelings" means.
You said "Your advice would be most welcome". I can usually give a more
definitive answer, but in your situation I am unsure. If this guy really
fancied you, he should have given you priority over his previous girlfriend.
But then he has not known you for that long and has had a long term
attachment to his girlfriend. When you have been in love with a woman for a
long time it is hard to break the relationship up, even if she has been
cheating (and even if it is a completely stupid idea to give his girlfriend
a second chance).
Right, a more definitve answer: In your situation I think it is worth giving
the relationship a go and see how it works out. You can always opt out if it
is not working for you. You could have a guy who is confused about whether
he wants his previous girlfriend or a new girlfriend. Or you could have a
guy who has kept you as a reserve girlfriend in case, the other one did not
work out. Which of those is true I can't tell you.
Click
here to Ask Sam some questions
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He's a bit short and
has too many financial commitments Natasha1977
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Pizza shop was closed
but he let me in and gave me a free lunch mystery woman
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I didn't fancy my
ex-boyfriends friend at first, but now my feelings
for him are so intense krissy
-
In a game of truth or
dare, I said I fancied him foxy lady
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He's got a girlfriend missy
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Sex or friendship norahs
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He keeps staring at
me red
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Short skirt or jeans,
boots or high heels, black or skin colour tights
puzzled
-
Only realised how
much I fancied him when we broke up shoegallover
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How long can people
continue to have casual sex? Ali_England
-
Turned him down
twice, now he is going out with another woman willow
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Little appetite for
sex and he keeps watching porn flowerxxx
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Known each other for
ages, are we just good friends? unigirl19
-
Sends me texts saying
he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his
life with me leonie
-
He phoned me up and
came round three nights in december
puzzled
-
Fancy my gym
instructor chocolate cake
-
Should I just try to
talk to him and act confident smash
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He doesn't pay me
attention anymore loopy lou
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He brought the topic
of sex into the conversation mags54321
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Think he had
something else to say but chickened out sweetwoman1983
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I want him to move in
with me catrick
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I am doing all the
chasing cupid
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If a guy is
interested, he will always ask you out, right? puzzled
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Nice body and nice
personality, but can't attract men boohoo98
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Me and my ex are back
together delicious
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He can't commit madaline
-
Doesn't show interest
in my personal life Becki-Boo
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Do men like being
asked out by a woman? PJ
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He's got status, so
it would be embarrassing asking him out girlywoo
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If it does not work out with his girlfriend, then almost certainly yes, he will come back to you. It is very likely that his relationship with his current girlfriend will break down at some point. For a start if she has wandered off with someone else once, she is more than likely to do it again. Secondly very few second chances at relationships work out, because eventually you hit the same problems you had before.
"He has told me that he does not trust the woman he has gone back to and he is aware that she is still in touch with the guy she has just left."
The same rules apply to woman as men. If they are unfaithful once, they are always going to be unfaithful. He is right not trusting her and probably a bit disillusioned to go back to her.
"Do I wait for him, because I feel that he is the one for me."
It is just a question how long it will take for their relationship to break down again. It could be days, months or even years. Do you really want to wait that long? Secondly if he really fancied you that much then why shouldn't he give you priority over her. But I suppose your relationship with him has only been short and this other girlfriend has been more long term, so he probably feels attached more to this other girlfriend.
I personally would say don't wait around, if he gets back to you before you find another decent boyfriend, then that's a bonus. If he doesn't get back to you before you find a new boyfriend, then tough luck to him. Or you have a choice between him and your new boyfriend!
Smiler36 Reply on 02.10.2005
One more question....should i keep in touch with him via the odd text, just to see how he is doing, and to keep me in his thoughts??? Or should i give him his space? Thanks
Sam's Reply
Smiler36 Reply on 19.10.2005
Hi, futher to my recent posts to you, there has been a development or two. The guy that i was talking about has now been dumped by his girlfriend(just as you indicated would happen). We have agreed to meet (as friends) for a coffee next week. However, i went to a wedding reception a few days ago and bumped into him just as i was going in to the venue. (he was at same venue for different reason). We had brief chat and then he gave me a big hug and kissed me on the mouth. Why?? Does this indicate that he still cares?? Or could he be just playing with my feelings??? I dont know what to think. Your advice would be most welcome. Thanks.
Sam's Reply
You said "We had brief chat and then he gave me a big hug and kissed me on the mouth. Why??" I don't really know, but he obviously wanted to for some reason.
You said "Does this indicate that he still cares??" It is obvious he still cares. He would not kiss you or hug you or agree to see you if he didn't care. I am not sure that "care" is the right word to use for men though, men only care significantly about women after they have been going out with them for a long time. Care in this case, means he cares about having a relationship with you.
You said "Or could he be just playing with my feelings???" Well he could be, but in most cases things are black and white with men. The majority of men, don't play too many games with women. Women tend to be much more socially intelligent than men, which means if men play games, they usually end up losing (and men don't like losing!). It is women that tend to do the game playing and men have to respond to those games (some of them are quite annoying games). Most men certainly don't play with feelings, most of them don't know what the word "feelings" means.
You said "Your advice would be most welcome". I can usually give a more definitive answer, but in your situation I am unsure. If this guy really fancied you, he should have given you priority over his previous girlfriend. But then he has not known you for that long and has had a long term attachment to his girlfriend. When you have been in love with a woman for a long time it is hard to break the relationship up, even if she has been cheating (and even if it is a completely stupid idea to give his girlfriend a second chance).
Right, a more definitve answer: In your situation I think it is worth giving the relationship a go and see how it works out. You can always opt out if it is not working for you. You could have a guy who is confused about whether he wants his previous girlfriend or a new girlfriend. Or you could have a guy who has kept you as a reserve girlfriend in case, the other one did not work out. Which of those is true I can't tell you.
Click here to Ask Sam some questions