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smiler36 on 02/10/2005
I met a guy 4 weeks ago and we immediately hit it off. We had 3
lovely weeks in which we saw each regularly and we both felt that we had
found someone special. However, his ex girlfriend has come back on the
scene and they are giving their relationship one last try. He has been
honest with me over all this and he admits that their relationship is
self destructive and he is unsure as to whether it will last. I know that
the factors which caused their split are still present. He is the kind of
man who has never been unfaithful to a partner, however, we met up 2
nights ago for a drink and he was his usual touchy feely self. Kissing me
and holding hands etc. We had lovely evening, almost as if nothing had
changed. Do you think that he may come back to me? He has told me that he
does not trust the woman he has gone back to and he is aware that she is
still in touch with the guy she has just left. Do I wait for him, because
I feel that he is the one for me.
Sam's Response
"Do you think that he may come
back to me?"
If it does not work out with his girlfriend, then almost certainly yes,
he will come back to you. It is very likely that his relationship with
his current girlfriend will break down at some point. For a start if she
has wandered off with someone else once, she is more than likely to do it
again. Secondly very few second chances at relationships work out,
because eventually you hit the same problems you had before.
"He has told me that he does not trust the woman he has gone back to
and he is aware that she is still in touch with the guy she has just
left."
The same rules apply to woman as men. If they are unfaithful once, they
are always going to be unfaithful. He is right not trusting her and
probably a bit disillusioned to go back to her.
"Do I wait for him, because I feel that he is the one for me."
It is just a question how long it will take for their relationship to
break down again. It could be days, months or even years. Do you really
want to wait that long? Secondly if he really fancied you that much then
why shouldn't he give you priority over her. But I suppose your
relationship with him has only been short and this other girlfriend has
been more long term, so he probably feels attached more to this other
girlfriend.
I personally would say don't wait around, if he gets back to you before
you find another decent boyfriend, then that's a bonus. If he doesn't get
back to you before you find a new boyfriend, then tough luck to him. Or
you have a choice between him and your new boyfriend!
Smiler36 Reply on
02.10.2005
One more
question....should i keep in touch with him via the odd text, just to see
how he is doing, and to keep me in his thoughts??? Or should i give him
his space? Thanks
Sam's Reply
It certainly won't hurt to send him the
odd text. Just don't send too many, too often, otherwise he will think
you are a stalker (otherwise known as a bunny boiler).
Smiler36 Reply on
19.10.2005
Hi, futher to my recent
posts to you, there has been a development or two. The guy that i was
talking about has now been dumped by his girlfriend(just as you indicated
would happen). We have agreed to meet (as friends) for a coffee next
week. However, i went to a wedding reception a few days ago and bumped
into him just as i was going in to the venue. (he was at same venue for
different reason). We had brief chat and then he gave me a big hug and
kissed me on the mouth. Why?? Does this indicate that he still cares?? Or
could he be just playing with my feelings??? I dont know what to think.
Your advice would be most welcome. Thanks.
Sam's Reply
You said "We had
brief chat and then he gave me a big hug and kissed me on the mouth.
Why??" I don't really know, but he obviously wanted to for some
reason.
You said "Does this indicate that he still cares??" It is
obvious he still cares. He would not kiss you or hug you or agree to see
you if he didn't care. I am not sure that "care" is the right
word to use for men though, men only care significantly about women after
they have been going out with them for a long time. Care in this case,
means he cares about having a relationship with you.
You said "Or could he be just playing with my feelings???" Well
he could be, but in most cases things are black and white with men. The majority
of men, don't play too many games with women. Women tend to be much more
socially intelligent than men, which means if men play games, they
usually end up losing (and men don't like losing!). It is women that tend
to do the game playing and men have to respond to those games (some of
them are quite annoying games). Most men certainly don't play with
feelings, most of them don't know what the word "feelings"
means.
You said "Your advice would be most welcome". I can usually
give a more definitive answer, but in your situation I am unsure. If this
guy really fancied you, he should have given you priority over his
previous girlfriend. But then he has not known you for that long and has
had a long term attachment to his girlfriend. When you have been in love
with a woman for a long time it is hard to break the relationship up,
even if she has been cheating (and even if it is a completely stupid idea
to give his girlfriend a second chance).
Right, a more definitve answer: In your situation I think it is worth
giving the relationship a go and see how it works out. You can always opt
out if it is not working for you. You could have a guy who is confused
about whether he wants his previous girlfriend or a new girlfriend. Or
you could have a guy who has kept you as a reserve girlfriend in case,
the other one did not work out. Which of those is true I can't tell you.
Click
here to Ask Sam some questions
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