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sparkles on 30/10/2006
I met with my high school lover two
months ago, after emails and text messages. He'd asked for a
relationship, I'd said yes. We slept together, it was what we both
intended, we'd been there before. It wasn't just sex, we lay in each
others arms for hours before and afterwards, just talking.
That's a positive sign, that you
laid together for hours both before and after. Some men often crave
being held in a woman's arms for hours too.
He'd made it clear from the start he
didn't want a one night stand. He left something behind after our night
together and when i txt him to tell him, he asked me to hang onto it, as
he would have to see me again to get it back, meaning he wanted to see me
again. He's also said he enjoyed the evening and night with me. My problem
is this: whenever I say i like him (like, not love), or something similar
he goes quiet.
Men find it very difficult to
react to these emotional conversations. Nevertheless, you would
expect him to at least manage to react positively in someway.
Usually when he does not know what to say in response, he will hug or
kiss a lady. This means he can get out of actually saying anything
because he can't think of any words to respond with. Some men are
not used to this situation though, so won't have a clue what to say or
do.
If I get sexually suggestive, he
reacts but again makes it clear he wants a lasting relationship with me.
He seems to be trying to re-assure
you too much, almost as if he is trying to re-assure himself of the same
thing. As if to say I do really want a lasting relationship, don't
I? A sort of guilt trip.
When I reply that I do too, again he
goes quiet.
Again you have got to debate
whether he is lost for words or whether he is a bit unsure of what he is
saying. You can usually pick up from the tone of his voice, how
sure he is about what he is saying.
Please can you help me understand
what is going on in his head? Is he interested or confused or not
interested?
I would be more inclined to say he
is confused or maybe not that convinced that he wants to be with you long
term. I seem to get a hint from you that he had sex with you that
night, but you haven't seen that much of him since. This would
indicate he has had his sex, and will be back for more sex when he feels
like it.
We're in our late twenties. I have
two children, and am no longer with their dad (split up long before this
man came back on the scene) which he knows about. He has no children,
never married.
That sort of tells me a few
things. Having children always puts serious doubts into a blokes
head. If your man was still on the scene that would be even
worse. But basically, a man would find it difficult to raise his
own kids, but to raise someone else's kids would be doubly difficult. The fact
that he doesn't have children, suggests that he would find it even more
difficult to relate to bringing up kids, it would be a seriously scary
thought to him. You probably don't know, but if he hasn't had many
girlfriends in the past, then he may be used to having his independance
(and won't want to lose it), as well as lacking the experience of
communicating with women.
We both have respectable full time
jobs. Live about 130 miles apart.
Ah, that explains, why you haven't
seen each other soon afterwards. But hopefully he has kept up some
frequent communication.
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