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sparkles on 18/11/2006
I was on here a wee while ago asking
for your insight on what was going through my man's head (old lover that
I live some distance from). Well, last week I was going through his neck
of the woods,we were going to meet up but he said it was too late in the evening
for him.
Too late in the evening, to meet
up with someone that has travelled some distance -> Useless
excuse.
I assumed this was him saying he
wasn't interested, so i told him i was going to get on with my life.
Yes, he was saying he wasn't interested
and you should get on with your life (he was just too confused to say
those words).
Few days later, missing him, i rang
him and asked outright if he wanted to see me again, he said he did and
that he had never felt better than when he was with me, i said i missed
him and he relied that he missed me too.
He may be telling the truth when
he says he never felt better than when he was with you and he might be
missing you to a certain extent, but he certainly isn't missing you
enough. Blokes tend to miss their Ex's from time to time because
their Ex was a part of their life and a part of their memory. But
then blokes come to their senses after thinking for a while, and they
realise there was a reason why they parted from their Ex.
To me this is a classic case of
either a bloke that drinks too much alcohol or a bloke that has very
fluctuating hormones. When men get drunk they want sex, and their
Ex becomes an attractive option if they can't find any suitable
replacements. Which is why women often get texts from their Ex's
when they are drunk, wanting to meet up again and they will shovel any
particular crap at their Ex "like I miss you", to win their Ex
back. With the hormones siutation, a man's hormones tend to
fluctuate on average once a week. Every once a week a man craves
sex, then once he has had some or relieved himself, those cravings go and
he isn't really interested in a woman for another week when his hormones
reach a peak again. Men will often keep their Ex's happy, ready for
the time they next want some sex. This is what I see this guy
doing. He has tried to keep you happy, but you turned up in town at
the wrong time (when he didn't have the craving for sex).
Then there is the potential for
him to go on a guilt trip. In the heat of the moment he wanted to
meet up with you. But after a lot of thinking he realises it won't
last and he would only be using you for sex and therefore he ends up
going on a guilt trip and can't face meeting up with you. He's
scared about what might happen, that he might land himself in a situation
where he gets embarrassed or exposed. He doesn't really want to
hurt your feelings.
Other instances where men are
indecisive, is where he is scared of what women are capable of.
Women can be quite devious and viscious. Men try to keep women
happy so they don't go spreading false rumours about a bloke, or so the
woman doesn't start playing revenge games on him. Men, may seem
like a dominant aggressive sex, but in reality they are quite scared of
bitches (women who can turn nasty, men presume that all women have the
potential to turn nasty, if provoked). Men only know how to defend
themselves physically (and most sensible men, know they can't go
beating women in), verbally and socially they are pretty much useless at
defending themselves against women. Women can quite easily verbally
batter a man or spread malicious rumours, which a man can't defend
himself from (a man's reputation is important to him, a destroyed
reputation can make a man feel really low and depressed), that is
seriously scarey to a man. He doesn't want your to meet up with you
and end up having a massive fight.
Any of the above reasons could be
true because I don't know what your Ex is like.
So he said that if he could get to
see me when I was in his area, he would. I txt him to say I'd arrived and
i got one back saying he'd try to get to see me. He didn't, and it's been
a week now since I've heard anything. No reply to other txt messages i
sent him.
You don't refuse or fail to meet
up with a woman, that you really fancy. It just doesn't
happen. If he really fancied you and really missed you, then he
would meet up with you.
I just don't get him at all, he's
one man I never could read. It seems he ain't interested but if i ask him
if he still wants to be together, he insists he does, then i don't hear
anything for a while. After a week or two, I'll get a txt or email
indicating he wants to see me again eg "can't wait till it's real
again", etc.
This to me is either alcohol or
hormones then, if he is actively contacting you.
Sam, I've fallen for him again, but
I don't know what it is he wants.
He certainly doesn't value you as
a long term relationship. You just don't go failing to meet up with
someone you fancy, particularly if they have travelled a long distance.
I ask him, he says he wants us to be
happy together, then goes quiet on me.
He is seriously confused.
You want to be with a guy that is not certain about you. Otherwise
you will spend all you life with him chopping and changing his mind about
you. It sounds to me to be either alcohol related or hormone
related confusion (these are not medical terms, I've just used them
to describe what I mean).
Can you help me understand what is
going through his mind? I don't want a broken heart but at the same time,
Your going to get a broken heart,
this guy does not decisively fancy you, he is simply holding onto a few
good memories about your relationship.
I always carried a torch for him,
and no man has ever come close to making me feel the way he does, I don't
want to walk out on what could be a wonderful future with a man I love
dearly.
This guy should be making you
confused, that's how he should be making you feel. You shouldn't
feel anything more than confused about him. For that reason, ditch
the idea of getting with him and move onto someone else.
Click
here to Ask Sam some questions
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