there is a man that works in a shop, we talk and he as told me his name.  when we talk he always looks me in the eyes and really listens to what i say and when ever i walk in the shop he never fails to say hi and smile at me .

i went in last week and he was talking to a member of staff and as i walked past he glanced at me out the corner of his eye do you think he fancies me or his he just being friendly

He fancies you.  Talks, looks you in the eye and really listens.  Says hi and smiles instantly and notices you instantly as you walk into the shop.  Glances at you out of the corner of his eyes.  I think that's pretty conclusive he fancies you.

Reply by cheekygirl 27.04.08

you say he fancies me

he his married for the second time and i am with someone aswell . but i really do fancie him very much but for some reason last time i went in his shop he was really friendly untill i started talking about my partner to him then he seemed to get the funnies with me .

Talking about your partner can have two effects on him.  Firstly, he will think, you are warning him off, don't try it on, I have a partner, I'm not interested.  Secondly he will start to imagine you and your partner together, which won't be a pleasant thought.

i have not been able to get into the town were he works for three weeks but i went in yesterday he was friendly but not as warm as normal but he is the manager and there was staff everywhere cleaning the shop floor.

He could have been pre-occupied and you picked a bad time, when guys are concentrating they have to concentrate on the job they are doing, they can't multi-task.  But I noticed you hadn't seen him for 3 weeks and the last time you saw him you were going on about your partner.  To him that will have be going through his mind for the full 3 weeks, if he fancied you.  He would have been convincing himself, she's not interested, so I'm not interested.  I don't fancy her anymore, so will just act not that bothered, next time she comes in.

i have never felt this way about anyone before he makes me go weak and the knees i shake and feel sick when ever we talk he says there is nothing stoping us from being friends but things are not moving forward very well and i dont know what to do ?

Should things be moving forward.  He has a partner and you have a partner.  I don't see why anything should move forward. 

dont tell me to forget about him because i have tried thats why i didnt go in for three weeks and it was hell i was really miserable .

There's one things flirting with someone for fun, but to consider having an affair with him is another thing.  There are at least four people to consider in your relationship.  Him, his partner, You, your partner, his children, your children.  Everyone of those makes it more complicated for you to have any chance of having a relationship or an affair.  Won't you be just as miserable, if he shagged you, your partner found out and split up with you and then he said I'm not that interested anymore, because it was only a bit of fun.  Isn't that more likely to make you miserable?

Reply by cheekygirl 28.04.08

i recently sent you a letter about a man in a shop and you said he fancies me .

i really fancie him aswell the promblem is he is married and i am with some aswell last time we spoke he was very friendly till i started talking about my partner then he didnt pass comment and kept walking away from me.i have not been in the shop for 3 wks but i went in on friday and he said hi but didnt seem as warm and friendly but he is the manager and they were having a spring clean he did say to me there is alot going on in here at the moment he as said there is nothing stopping us from being friends but he keeps giving me signs of wanting more i and everytime i talk about my partner he never answers anything i say ?

Because he's not interested in hearing about your partner and he will be less interested in you the more you go on about your partner.  It may work for blokes to go on about partners to women, but it doesn't work the other way round.  If a guy is interested in a woman and another guy is on the scene, he just sees that as reducing his chances of getting with you.  From that point onwards, he's not going to be that interested in you, because the whole partner picture he's getting reduces his chances and gives him the wrong picture in his head. 

It may have been that he was too busy and he will start to pick up again the more times you go back in.  But really talking about your partner has probably put him off in the short term, and so after that conversation, if he does start talking to you again, he will start seeing you as a friend only or even a customer only. 

what do you think i should do

Either go in their and think of him as just a friend, or find another shop to go to.

Reply by cheekygirl 29.04.08

are you still answering peoples problem because i have not seen anything new on your website for days now .

Over the past month, I've had a very busy personal life, so I've only really had time for major updates to the web site on a Saturday morning, which is when I last updated it.  Answering questions is not something I can do everyday, because there are days where I'm not in the right frame of mind, like writer's block, so you wouldn't want me answering on those days, because the quality of my response would be poorer than usual.  I'd like to do this web site as a full time job, but unfortunately, I don't even break even, let alone make a profit to give me an income. 

Reply by cheekygirl 30.04.08

thanks for your reply no it wouldnt make me miserable if he shagged me as thats what i want him to do .

I really meant it would make you miserable from several perspectives, when the shag was over and he moved on and ditched you, because ultimately you can't go shagging him for the rest of your life and you will become attached to him. But most importantly when one of your partners find out you are having an affair, it will make you miserable when you end up being without this guy and without your own partner because you've been unfaithful.  But that's your decision to make.

Stop talking about your partner and start to bring things back to normal, like they were before.  He doesn't want to hear about your partner or your kids, he wants to probably just shag you.  If you make him think about your partner he is less likely to want to shag you and will also think you are trying to tell him not to bother trying it on with you because you have a partner.

Reply by cheekygirl 30.04.08

i dont know if i can just think of him as a friend i fancy the pants of him and have very lustfull thoughts about him but although i have theses thought i am a bit shy and would never make my thoughts known.

do you think it would be actceptable to ask him out for a coffee during his lunch break so we can get to know each other a little better i would say just as friends no strings attached

You first need to get him back on your side.  Back to how you were with him.  He's gone quiet maybe because he was busy stocktaking, but most likely because you were talking about your partner.  You need to get back to how it was, with you talking, smiling at each other and flirting.  Once you get back to that level, then it's time to assess how you can get around to meeting up with each other.  You can't rush these things, because if you rush them, you'll mess things up and push him, too far, too fast. 

Reply by cheekygirl 03.05.08

thanks for the advice this is really hard for me i am not normaly this kind of person i have been with my partner 13 yrs and have never been with anyone else but this man as a funny effect on me and as tempting as it is im not sure i could go ahead with sleeping with him .

im scared i could be reading his signs wrong and make a fool of myself im rubbish at picking up signs but i have noticed he always says hi like he pleased to see me and as this funny look on his face when i talk to him hes like smiling without smiling its hard to explain i am so confussed its unreal

It does sound as though he fancies you, but really you are better off not making that presumption for a while yet. 

think im just gonna go in there treat him as a friend

That is the best option at the moment. 

and let nature take care of the rest if something happens it happens if not i will have made a friend along the way

That is the way to think about things. 

Reply by cheekygirl 07.05.08

as you already know i fancy this bloke in a shop and we was getting on ok .

i told my sister about my feelings for him from the start and she kept going on and on about him being out of my league wich of course hurt and im not the most confident of people to start with this went on for a while and in the end i lost my rag and rang the bloke i fancy at his works and told him what my sister was saying (BIG MISTAKE I KNOW THAT NOW) he did say no i wouldnt say you are out of my league at all.(pause) but i am married though .

Yep, it was a big mistake, because you threw things at him all of a sudden.  And to actually phone him at work and say all that, he was probably thinking what a nightmare.

i told him i felt so embarrest and he said dont be im not but since then i am struggling to get things back to how they were .

Again, it's not the sign of a guy that doesn't fancy you.  A guy that doesn't fancy you would try to get you off the phone as soon as possible, be quite nervous about what he is saying and want to avoid you thereafter.  Or he could have just gone completely quiet and dumbstruck by what you were saying.

i am anoyed because my cow of a sister is winning shes stopping me from making friends with him even though he is ok with it i feel such a fool thats why i keep talking about my partner to give him the impression im not interested

If you kept on talking about your partner, he wouldn't be interested for reasons I have stated before. 

but i am its such a mess and i feel such a fool im not normaly like this but i do have a temper and that phone call was done out of temper (WICH I REGRET )on the plus side i did still find the gutts to go back in and swallow my pride but it as stopped me from being myself around him .

Well there you go then, if you had the guts to go back in, keep going back in and eventually things will settle down again. 

how am i going to put this right ?

He knows what you think now, in a way it saves you from months of pretending you did and then pretending you didn't fancy him.  But really I don't think it's a case of putting things right.  You can't suddenly go to the point of pretending not to fancy him, because he'll know you are putting on an act and being false.  I think you should just go in there and just be normal.  He knows you fancy him and if he wants to do something about it, he will do.  It sounds to me like he's happy with his partner and is therefore not going to do anything at this stage.  And that's how you should see it in your mind.  That's his decision and should he change that decision, I'm sure he will let you know.  But he's not going to let you know if you pretend you don't fancy him anymore.

Reply by cheekgirl 08.05.08

no thats the time when he told me his name and said ther was nothing stopping us from being friends .

how can he fancy me but not want to do anything about it i dont understand that part .

think im fighting a loosing battle here.

Reply by cheekgirl 08.05.08

in all fairness i dont suppose i have really given the guy the chance since the phone call hes still does the same things smiles glances at me out of the corner of his eye and says hi.

If that's the case, then I agree with you there, it seems you have more of a problem than he does. 

But i on the other hand didnt go in there untill 2 wks after then shrugged my shoulders at him then didnt go back in for another 2 wks wich i spent half the time talking on my mobile and the rest of the time talking to him about my partner i have missed going in for weeks upon end and when i do go in there its the same thing im either talking to him about my partner our im on the phone .

i really dont know what im trying to prove i just dont know how to act around him anymore the warmest thing i say to him is hi are you alright im not doing very well am i ?

Things progress with time, what you can't do is go in there presuming he has a problem with you, because ultimately if you think like that, it will show in your body language and he will think you have a problem with him.  And it will just be like a roundabout effect, both of you will ending up being paranoid that you both have a problem with each other.

he keeps telling me he doesnt know were anything is in town and doesnt leave the shop much is that an invite ?

Possibly a hint, yes, but it may just be something to chat about.  The best way to deal with that, is to say, well, I'll show you around if you want.  You are not saying to him go out with me, you are just offering to do him a favour.

i really am rubbish at picking up on things .

and the other thing i cant understand is if he is happy were he is why does he 1. appear to fancy me 2. doesnt have a ring 3. appears to get the hump when i talk about my partner im confussed and you think us women are hard work lol

Because he does like you. Just because he's got a partner, doesn't mean he stops fancying women.  It just means that if he is happy with his partner, he's less likely to go looking elsewhere.  I don't see where the confusion is with that, guys are straightforward, he's not happy with you talking about your partner, it's all straightforward, there's nothing complex about it at all.  It's just because you've got a female brain, you are trying to see some sort of hidden meaning, you are thinking a guy is thinking like a female.

Reply by cheekgirl 10.05.08

after your advice i went in there yesterday and i was bubbly and friendly we had a nice chat and a bit of a laugh he seemed much happier talking to me i never mentioned my partner once and he never talks about his partner he never as done .

he is hard to keep conversation flowing i did jokingly say you are hard to make conversation with lad and then we just looked at each other and smiled .

i asked if he had any hobbies and he just said yeah work .

That all sounds very positive, he obviously hasn't been put off by your phone episode, so his reaction to you is still very positive. 

i realy want to get to know him but i dont want to apper to be noisy or like im quizzing him were both a bit shy so its hard

I think most blokes know that most women are nosey.  If he doesn't want to say something he won't say it.  You are right though, don't go over the top and make him feel as though you are interviewing him as a prospective partner. 

Reply by cheekygirl 10.05.08

the top and tail of it all is that i really really like him and i would love for him to feel the same way.

but you think he his happy were he is at the moment unlike me im not one bit happy were i am and would jump at the chance to get things moving faster that mite be why im looking for things that are not there because i so want him to like me in the way i like him so much it hurts .

he is totaly gergous and seeing him brightens my days i could spend every hour of every day stood talking to him so it is understandable that i want things to happen yesterday realisticaly i know theses things take time but this is driving me mad.

You really do need to be patient otherwise you'll rush things and completely blow it.

ive even but my name forward for a job there so i can get to know him better i have never felt like this about anyone before .

im in total turmoil i could scream 

Reply by cheekygirl 11.05.08

thank you for all your advice your are a gem i feel so much more positive now i have finaly noticed that he likes me and have decided to gently work on that by being funny,swett ,charming and maybe a little flirty at times and see how things go. one step at a time hey! but if i keep making him laugh i think im half way there .

when i was in on friday he was talking to some people so i kind of ignored him and walked round the shop behind were he was he knew i was there and he stretched his arms up in the air so his t-shirt rose up his back is that some kind of body language ?

I don't think the t-shirt bit is that important, it would be if a female's t-shirt rose up her back.  What is important is he noticed you and you were ignoring him, this was his way of getting your attention and being alpha male about it.  Stretching his muscles and taking up maximum room, to make himself look bigger than he is. 

and if so what ?  once again thank you for all your advice

Reply by cheekygirl 14.05.08

im trying my best to pick up on body language .

people say if and man looks you in the eyes and listens to you theres a chance they fancy you ? if thats the case then half the men i talk to fancy me and i cant see that somehow .

Either they really do, or you need to look for more signs.  

how can you tell the diffrence between a guy being polite and friendly looking you in the eyes to a guy that fancys you ?

The truth is I bet loads of women give you close eye contact as well and I don't think that means all women are lesbians.  But really what you need to do is look out for a collection of signs, rather than single signs. If I were to touch you that wouldn't mean I fancied you, but if I was to touch you and give you close eye contact and try my best to attract your attention, that would be more conclusive body language.

Reply by cheekygirl 20.05.08

me and the bloke in the shop are getting back to talking and having a laugh again which is great .

but just lately he seems a bit down i so want to offer him my mobile number and say you seem a bit down lately so heres my number if you ever want a friendly hear to unload on just give me a call .

I doubt a guy would want to discuss his problems.  Usually guys have their own way of dealing with things.  He usually thinks about it deeply for a short period of time, tries to think of a solution, if he can't think of a solution he thinks even deeper, then he tries to escape the problem by some form of escapism, like watching TV, gazing in the garden, then he'll try and think of a solution again and if he still can't think of a solution, eventually he just tries to forget about it and move on.  The only time discussing it with someone else comes into it, is if he believes that other person will know a solution.  Guys don't like admitting their problems to women they fancy, because it makes them look weak and women don't like weak men, so he's less likely to discuss it with someone he fancies. 

do you think that would be caring or pushy ?

More likely to be caring, but I still doubt whether he'll discuss it with you if he fancies you.  He's more likely to pretend there is no problem.

i realy like him and want to be there for him as a friend (possibly more if i had my way ) but friends would be great

Reply by cheekygirl 24.05.08

im getting realy feed up now im talking to the guy that i like in the shop but everytime we get talking a member of staff calls him and he as to go . when we talk he still looks me in the eyes holds eye contact through out our conversation and if were not facing each other we both turn our boddies towards each other so we are with feet pointing at each other but how are we ever going to build up a good friendship when all were getting is 5-10 mins coversation every week they only seem to call him when im talking to him im beging to wonder weather its a plan they have to get him away from me .

It's possible and the best way to figure it out, is not to approach him, but to ignore him for a few days, just make it look as though you don't have anything to say to him anymore, that you are bored with him.  See if he comes to you.   After 5 attempts at doing that, if he hasn't approached you then I think you can say he wasn't that interested.

i dont want to be pushy but im the kind of girl that likes to know were i stand whats the point of me going in there every week busting a gutt trying to get to know him if hes not interested

Guys don't like pushy or aggresive women, so you shouldn't be trying to bust a gut to get to know him.  You've got to go in one day talk to him, go in another day and wait for him to talk to you. 

and making a big fool of myself while doing so i realy dont know what to do or how to handle this we will never get a good friendship going at this rate what do i do?

You need to be patient and take things slowly.  If you are not patient, you will look aggressive and/or pushy and guys don't like that.   

Reply by cheekygirl 24.05.08

its fine being patient but im the kind of girl that likes to know were i stand with people .

if he doesnt want to be friends then he shouldnt have said he did to me people should say what they mean and mean what they say .

He might have wanted to be friends with you, but people can easily change their mind.  You can't just instantly be best friends, it's got to be built up over time.   If you try and push things too fast, then they may not want to be friends anymore.

he was fine till i went in there in a very low cut top showing my boobs of i did not see him stood there i was bent down i only noticed when i looked up and he was starring at me since then he only talks for a while and then he goes in the store rooms i realy cant work out whats going on.

It could be that he saw that you saw him looking at your boobs and is therefore embarrassed now, so he feels he needs to be cautious around you.  When a guy sees a woman's boobs, there are a few thoughts that go through his mind.  She has a sexy body and nice pair of boobs, but also it makes him slightly anxious because he wants his hands them, but he can't really get his hands on them, so he tries to stop himself from looking at them and thinking about them by avoiding the woman for a bit. 

his body language is not matching the way he is behaving its totaly confussing me

Reply by cheekygirl 24.05.08

i will try what you said but i know he wont come to me i have already tried it he just stands the other side of the room watching me .

He will eventually, he's just scared at the moment, if you are patient and do it for long enough, eventually he will have to develop the courage to come over to you. 

we make eye contact from across the other side of the room but he never comes over he just as this funny look on his face like his whole face is smiling but hes not smiling if you know what i mean wish i knew what he was thinking when he as that look on his face

Like outwardly he is smiling because he's happy to see you, but inwardly his stomach is turning with nerves and he's trying to hide that nervousness by smiling.

Reply by cheekygirl 25.05.08

i really dont understand what he as to be scared of he knows im friendly and approachable .

It takes a long time for a guy to realise that a woman is friendly and approachable.  Guys do not think like women and do not know what women think about them.  A guy has got to appear confident and scared of nothing on the exterior.  But really women scare the hell out of guys, you may think, come on, they can't scare guys that are confident.  Really though women are so unpredicatable and different to men, men never have a clue how women are thinking.  It's only with time that a guy stops being scared of women.  The more he fancies a woman, the more likely he is to be scared of her.  If he doesn't fancy her, he's more likely to think, I don't give a toss, so I'll just say anything.

i have never been pushy or flirty i just make every day conversation he as nothing to be scared of he knows im not going to tell him to get lost so what is his problem

Reply by cheekygirl 27.05.08

right i think i know what im going to do i can not ignore him i am not that type of person .

But if i have to walk past him i will say hello and ask how he is if he appears to want to talk i will talk but i am not going to walk over to him to say hello anymore neither am i going to follow around the shop trying to make conversation .

if i do not have to walk past then i will stand the other side of the shop and smile at him i still want to appear friendly does this sound like a good plan to you

Perfect plan!  Make him do some work, whilst you remain friendly but don't seem as though you are pressurising him or chasing him.

If you adopt these tactics it will make it look as though you are starting to get bored with him, so it will kick him into doing something about it and attracting you back in again, if he's really bothered. 

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