i am a bit confused at the moment and was hoping you could help me out.

There is a guy who i like at work, sometimes i think he likes me too but other times i am not so sure!

I know he likes talking to me as he said so and he finds some attractive girls aren't always that great to talk to,he says this isnt the case with me!

I also know that he finds me physically attractive as him and his colleague were joking saying that i was distracting them,i thought they were being mean but they said it was compliment and said that i was the best distraction in store!

Believe me, if you are distracting a guy then you really are attractive to him. He doesn't get distracted when an ugly woman walks past, he gets distracted when an attractive woman walks past.

He then carried on and said if he had to choose anyone in store to distract him he would choose me, i think they were saying i was attractive! I think,I MAY BE WRONG!!

You are right! 

sometimes though he can seem a bit off with me and it makes me feel like he cant like me at all!

Because he's having a bad day, or is not sure whether you are being off with him, or because he's waiting for you to approach him.  Guys can have fluctuations in hormones too and guys can have bad days just as much as women do.

He will always talk to me but sometimes if i dont pay much attention to him i find he looks at me and will pop in and see me, yet sometimes he can seem so indifferent and it confuses me!!

He seems indifferent because there's only so much approaching he can do.  You need to do some approaching too and make some conversation.  He might not know what to talk about or it might be a case of he feels you are sick of him approaching you, or just generally busy or having a bad day. 

He kept looking at me last week and we were chatting and getting on great,he even seemed concerened when i said i felt a bit sick,i wasnt going to be in the thursday which is a day he usually works in our store but i said 'i wont be in on thursday so you could change your day to friday, then we can see each other' i was expecting him to ignore that but he actually came in on the friday instead.

Yep!  You've got him hooked!   He's not going to turn down the chance of seeing you and will probably expect you to do something special to reward him.

However i was really busy on friday and we didnt get chance to talk,he looked at me and even went out of his way to say goodbye,something he doesnt usually do!

So today i was expecting him to maybe be a bit off with me but he jumped out at me all excited and we had a nice chat and he said he would talk to me later, however he then went indifferent with me after that and he didnt pay me any attention (although he did seem really busy today)

Again he could have been busy or he might have thought you were indifferent with him, so he would then think, oh what's the point, I'll try again another day, equally he might feel as though he's doing all the running and feel as though you are leading him on sometimes.  So what he's doing is moving in on you, backing off, seeing your reaction, moving in on you again, and so on.   And he hopes you'll both meet in the middle at some point.  So he moves in on you and you move in on him.

until i asked him for some help fixing something (he is a technician)and i asked why he seemed a bit quiet today, he said he was just busy doing other peoples work,i said i thought you were going off me and he said in a deeper, almost flirty voice 'i could never go off of you' then he went quite red, did he go red because he didnt mean it or because he did?

Because he did mean it, but really he's embarrassed saying it, because he's just gave the game away and what if you think he's coming on too strong.  Going red is a sign that all the blood has rushed from his stomach and other essential organs, to the face and areas of his body that deal with sexual attraction (lips and other areas).  He fancies you so much and because he sees you as so attractive it makes him nervous saying it.

my reaction to the comment was rubbish,i just stood there when i wanted to just hug him but i hesitated and then got called back to work! After he made the comment he seemed to look me right in the eyes more!

Trying to see if you look him in the eyes back, to see how keen you are. 

Sometimes it really feels like he does fancy me but other times i really doubt myself and think i am imagining it!

Guys who fancy you can't display the signs 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, even if he was going out with you he wouldn't be able to keep this up.  And to be quite frank if he constantly showed these signs, you'd probably be running away, thinking he's a stalker.

We have spoken about each others past relationships, i told him i have only had one boyfriend for two and a half years and only slept with one person and he told me that he hates cheaters and would never cheat and that he isnt very good at relationships at the moment because he goes out with them and then dumps them after two weeks,

That's because he wants a woman that he really wants to be with.  Two weeks is one of the crucial times when guys decide is she worth it or not, I've given her a chance for two weeks, should I continue.  Out of respect for her and himself, he will ditch her if he doesn't see her as a long term prospect.  Otherwise he'd be wasting her time and wasting his. 

he said he doesnt like hurting women like this!

Yes, no guy likes hurting women like this.  But it's better to dump her at this stage than dump her after she's had more time to get attached. 

I said that maybe he just hasnt found the right woman yet!

That's exactly the case, well to a certain degree, he may have found the right woman now, you! 

Is this maybe why he doesnt want to ask me out because hes worried he may hurt my feelings?

No, it's because he sees himself as inferior to you, he feels you are out of his league and that makes him nervous.  He is worried that if he gets with you, you will cheat on him with a better guy (hence mentioning that he hates cheaters).  This is the most common worry for guys that like attractive woman, that there won't be any shortage of blokes lining up to steal you off him and of course he will know you will be tempted by at least one of them. 

Is this why he is sometimes a bit indifferent?

He may have a temporary blip in his self confidence with you, yes. Or he maybe confused like you are.  Does she like me or doesn't she, is she being a bit indifferent with me. 

Or is he just not interested and only wants a bit of attention from me?

Definitely not, he fancies you and wants to be able to ask you out, but he's trying to make sure that he stands a very good chance first.  So he's assessing his chances of you saying "yes" to him.  Unfortunately he's probably convincing himself the next moment, "no she's too attractive for me, even if I do go out with her, I'd never be able to hold onto her". 

im really confused,its felt as though hes liked me for ages and im getting to think he may be messing with me!

He's confused, he's not messing you about.  He needs an opportunity to ask you out, and is he going to get that opportunity at work?  Is he going to have the chance to run away if you say "no"?  Are things going to become uncomfortable at work if you say "no"?

Hes so lovely, he even texted me checking i was okay when i was away sick and he gave me a lovely kiss on the cheek when i made him some food (i work in a kitchen)! i would hate a perfectly good relationship oppurtunity to pass!

Sweet! 

Also one last question why are some attractive girls not that nice to talk to? 

Because attractive girls can sometimes have their head up their own arse.  They expect blokes to do all the work and they think they should be worshipped because they are so attractive.  They also expect guys to fancy them and therefore are more likely to say to a guy "get lost loser" (that is very common and it seriously hurts a guy and dents his self confidence!), so in general they are less approachable, unless the guy has a super ego.  Guys also think it's pointless approaching them because realistically is someone as attractive as her really going to find him attractive.  And really personality is more important to a guy that's looking for a long term girlfriend than looks.  Looks are important but not the most essential thing, a woman with an attractive personality can be seen as attractive in a guy's mind.  The crucial thing for women that are less physically attractive, is to get him to experience their personality as soon as possible.

Reply by rainbow_sunshine 12.06.08

i wrote to you earlier this week and i wanted to thank you for your speedy response!! My previous question was 'why are some attractive girls not nice to talk to?'

i hope you dont mind if i ask you some further questions?

Nope. 

How can i let him know for sure that i am interested without coming on to strong?

I think you need to make sure you are always friendly with him.  Even if he seems off one day, still approach him and be happy, put him in a better mood, ask him how he is today.  As long as he's not busy he should respond to these cues.  Because on these days he's either having a bad day, in which case you can try and brighten it up for him, or he's thinking maybe you are not interested so you both end up paranoid that the other one isn't interested. 

Yes, you do need to have some days where you back off from each other and give each other space, but overall you should be progressively increasing your interest in each other.  Asking how the other person is, gradually sharing intimate details about each others lives, making him feel comfortable talking to you and in your company.  And then start some light touching, see his reaction, if it is good, a bit more light touching to indicate that was no accident.

i dont want to totally freak him out!!!

i was thinking of me approaching him more and maybe initiating some physical contact i.e hugging i think he would be okay with hugging, however i dont want to just grab him and hug him, how can i lead up to it gently?

Another thing to try doing.  If he's sat down at a desk or a computer sometimes you can open up your whole body and bring it close to him.  For example if he is using a mouse on the computer you can walk up start talking to him and put your body in line with where the mouse is, open your body up.  So in effect his hand has full access to the front of your body.  Touching and being in close proximity is a case of seeing a chance when it's in front of you and taking that chance in a relaxed way.  There is really no need to be nervous about it, because any bloke is often thrilled to get open access to a woman's intimate space.

Other opportunties is if you've injured your finger or something like that, show him your finger. If you need to borrow a pen, just walk up behind him brush him, lean over him and grab a pen off his desk (Make sure he's not in the middle of something important though).  If he asks you to sit next to him or you have to sit next to him for him to show you something.  Make sure you are pointed towards him.  If he has his legs wide open, make sure yours are pointing directly at you know where.  So you practically have your little dainty legs in between his big spread legs.  He will notice, even if he pretends not to!

If he's turned sideways on towards his computer screen then obviously you can't do that, so you can just get in as close as possible and have your legs facing towards him but a matter of inches away from touching.  There's all sorts of tricks women can play on men, to get themselves in his intimate zone.  And really it's all about your intimate zone, because not many men are threatened by women in their intimate zone, it's usually the other way round, women feeling threatened by men in their intimate zone.

So really you don't even necessarily have to hug him.  But there are opportunities for hugs.  Saying that you've had a bad day and could do with a hug off someone, hint hint hint.  It's all about what opportunities arise. 

This guy also talks to other women aswell but i get the impression that he treats me better and enjoys my company more, but that may be wishful thinking on my part i dont know that for sure!

Also i personally dont think i am that attractive, dont get me wrong i know im not ugly, but im more girly and cute.

Blokes like girly and cute.  But ultimately if he experiences your personality and things you have potential to inspire him to do great things with his life, then he won't want to throw away that opportunity. The more he experiences good conversations with you and gets access to your intimate zone, the more attracted he might be.

I assumed that guys liked hot and sexy kinda like fhm girls!!!

Really though, they are good to look at, dream about, but if he meets any of these fhm girls and doesn't connect with them, really in the long term he's not going to be attracted to them.  Men are realistic, they may ogle pretty women, but really the women that matter to them are the women that connect to them.  Ultimately any pretty woman that he approaches, could tell him "get lost loser", does he really want to be with a bint that says that to him.  No, he wants a friendly woman, that he can get on well with, that's fairly attractive too and completely sexy with her language and flirting power. 

to get an idea of how i look i am often likened to hannah spearritt,

If you look like her, then you obviously look young, cute and girly.  All things that guys find attractive. 

the dinosaur chaser from primeval! We have the same short pixie cut and very similar small facail features with big eyes!!! except my hair is black!!

now this guy is very good looking so i dont see why he would be worried about my looks!

I'm good looking, I'm still completely useless at chatting up women or getting girlfriends.  Married women and women with boyfriends say I'm good looking all the time.  The problem is single women never do and I'm not particularly good at sweet talking women.  So really, this could be the case for this guy.  Good looks doesn't necessarily make you confident at the social aspect with women and guys know that the social aspect is probably one of the most important things to women, so it makes men nervous that social things are their weakness.

If you look at players and their success with women, you realise that it's because they master the social aspect and therefore manage to win a woman over.  If a guy doesn't have that social ability, good looking or not, he finds it difficult to win a woman over.

can you explain this to me? i dont understand why he would see himself as inferior when he is the better looking one or does that not really count?

When a guy fancies a woman so much, he sees her as a princess, he just builds up this picture in his head of this magnificent woman that makes him feel good about himself and she's so attractive.  As a result, men often feel inferior and nervous about that woman, even if he's not the slightest bit scared about kicking the crap out of a gang of blokes.  Men get that nervous swooping of the stomach when they see a woman they fancy, it makes them nervous and often makes them incapable of saying anything sensible or having a proper conversation.  It usually results in him making short, sharp and cocky commments.  Then withdrawing and thinking, stop making those stupid cocky comments, you are sounding like a prat, have I blown it with her.  It's partly because the pressure is on a bloke to be entertaining and joke with a woman and make her laugh, so his brain is quickly trying to think of something funny to say to her to break the ice and get a conversation.  Hence, bad chat up lines.  Most men, really are not good at starting conversations, they always hope the woman can come along and start a conversation and he can respond and think of something good to say in reply to her.

Yes, I get what you mean there.  People compensate, to make sure that one or the other strength wins through. 

thankfully i have come out of my ugly phase  and now i get quite a bit of interest from the opposite sex based on looks and personality!

No, it sounds pretty logical.  As you grow older those memories will fade and you will start to forget more and more about those issues and realise that was then, now I've improved and adapted. 

so for all i know i could be equally as good looking as this guy but my perception of myself is jaded!

Perceptions of ourself are always jaded, we live with ourselves everyday and see our bad sides and our weaknesses.  In reality everyone has there weaknesses, so really we should just focus on our strengths and try wherever possible to overcome our weaknesses, see it as a challenge.  But the reality is nobody is perfect and to be honest if they were it would be a boring world, where we'd all be walking around as clones of each other, doing the same things, saying the same things and looking exactly the same. 

sometimes it is hard being a girl what with all the photoshop beauties to compare ourselves to!!!!

I work in a predominantly female environment and I know exactly what you mean.  Why?  Because when I go for my break, women constantly talk about men and read magazines like Cosmopolitan.  I have reason to believe that any bloke that doesn't have a six pack (I call it a sick pack!) and isn't a rugby or football player is completely unattractive to woman.  Yes, they have their husbands and boyfriends but that's only because they can't have the rugby player with a six pack.  So it works both ways. 

But really and truly for both sexes, we may read magazines and dream about that ideal man or woman.  But the reality is, if we actually met them and spent some years with those models, we'd probably not get on that well with many of them.  If we can't bare to be in the same room as them, then really what benefit is a fit body, we might as well just look at them in magazines and dream that they have the perfect personality.  The other thing is I somewhat doubt that many of the pictures in magazines are anything close to reality.  Have you noticed you never see a blemish or a spot on anyone and have you noticed they are perfectly aligned.  That's because they are digitally edited to sell magazines.

So really and truthfully women may go on all the time about not looking good, because of the women in magazines.  But the reality is men feel the same but don't say anything about it, because it would make them look weak and self conscious and they know therefore they would be unattractive to a woman, by displaying those weaknesses. 

I had to laugh the other week because I was walking through a shopping arcade in my home town and these two guys were walking beside me, so much so that it probably looked as though we were friends and we were walking with each other.  They didn't scare me in the slightest in fact I had to stop myself from laughing at them.  They were big burly top heavy blokes, walking with their arms out like monkeys and I just seem to find it so funny, walking beside them.  Anyway all of a sudden they broke off to go into a shop, guess what the shop was.  A food supplement shop selling muscle building powder.  That just made me laugh even more.  But it made me think, poor blokes they have eat unhealthily, work out all day, just to impress women and make them look intimidating.

To a woman they would see this sort of guy sexy and intimidating to other guys.  But to me, I work out everyday and I'm lean, fit and toned but not bulky and I just found they looked hideous and funny, rather than intimidating.  They were so top heavy all you need to do is sweep there legs from under them and they will topple over. 

thanks for your time sam and i hope you can help!

will this appear as a new question or will it appear on my original question?

That's pretty obvious now, your original question.  I always try to keep them together, so that people can follow the story as it progresses. Rather than having to look for two different pages.  I occasionally create a different page if it takes me too long to find the original one or if it's about a different bloke, change in story or a new story.

Reply by rainbow sunshine 15.06.08

this is the last time i will write to you i promise!!!!

Oh shame, so if you did get with this guy you wouldn't update me? 

i think i may have had a mini result (very mini!!!) On friday he came into work and he came into the kitchen to wash his hands!

I decided to hang around, chat with him and help him wash his hands by squeezing soap on them. After his hands were clean he started to make a phone call in the kitchen!

He stuck his hand out to give me a high five and i saw a golden oppurtunity to initiate some hugging action!

Wow, excellent work, as I was saying there are plenty of opportunities, you just have to take them. 

I thought maybe he wouldnt react when i put my arms round him but he said 'WOW, thats a good hug,really nice and squeezy' he then said 'what if i do this' and he wrapped his arms around  me too and squeezed!IT WAS GOOD!

That is absolutely amazing, it really does suggest he wants to get a hold of you in more ways than one.   You certainly couldn't bear to do that to someone you didn't fancy.  For example if you didn't find him attractive could you bring yourself to hug him, I doubt it.  The fact that he wanted it to last and was comfortable with holding onto you, is very positive.

He then made his phone call and had to leave but he said 'ill be back later'

He wants more! 

He came in again later to wash his hands again and we chatted some more!

I said 'you were gonna tell me that thing you heard about hugging on radio one' and he said 'yeah that hug you gave me earlier was really good ' he then went on to show me all the different hugs he has like one for his mum, and one with his mates he said the third hug he has was like the one we had which he labeled as a caring hug!

I gave him another hug and he said 'that was the best hug ive had in ages,its been a few years since i was hugged like that'!

I took these as positve comments!

Then he said something along the lines of 'my ex girlfriend used to give good hugs' Why would he mention his ex girlfriend?

It's more than likely just a spontaneous bit of chatter, but nevertheless consciously or unconsciously he's thinking about you being replacement for his ex-girlfriend and considering the thought of that. 

was it to let me know he is not interested or to make me associate hugging with being a girlfriend (wishful thinking!)

I'm not sure he would have thought that deeply and spontaneously, but it certainly suggests his mind is considering your girlfriend potential.  In fact you only have to hug a guy for him to think, wow this lady has potential to be a girlfriend.  Hugging offers up the whole of your intimate space.  It means that he has access and is touching the whole area of the front of your body that guys don't usually have access to (unless a girlfriend).  That is a serious turn on and will flick the sexual attractiveness switch in his head.  Of course flicking that switch is very important for a guy to distinguish female friends from girlfriends.

he then left again and came back in to eat lunch but he surprised me with a hug from behind and he said 'whats my number one hugger up to?'

Gosh that's a possessive hug, saying you are mine and I want you. 

i reacted to the hug by putting my head back and resting it on his, so our heads were side by side!  Was that a good thing to do?

Excellent you've done so well there.   That's a submissive pose and demonstrates that you enjoyed it and encourages him to do it again.  In fact you've been perfect in each thing you have done.  I thought you said this was a mini result, what did the guy have to do to you to get a big result, bend you over the table and give you a good sorting out?

We said goodbye after that and we shared one more hug and he said 'you like these hugs dont you' and i said 'so do you' to which he replied 'of course i do'!

He'll be back for more! 

i have been worried that when he said 'you like these hugs dont you' that he was implying that he had had enough of hugging but i think that is my self doubt talking!

Yes, I think your brain is being a bit too dumb there. 

Am i doing things right and are things progressing in the right direction?

Gosh, they certainly are progressing, this is a major step.  All you need to do now is keep being happy with him around and don't show any uncomfortableness if he tries to hug you again.

im still a bit concerened that he might just be enjoying the attention i am giving him?

He will be enjoying the attention and that's the point, he wants you to give him attention, he's loving you for it (well not love in love sense because it's too early for that yet, but it's making him really like you). 

would you tell a girl that she was the best hug you had had in years if you didnt fancy her?

Nope, I wouldn't offer her a hug at all, if I didn't fancy her.

He has my number but he doesnt text me, do you think its because we see each other two to three times a week?

Yes, that's part of it, but I would guess he wants to have a few good times together before making a move.  That could of just been a one off and you might end up blanking him the next time you see him.  But really and truly with that sort of progress I would expect him to be contacting you within two weeks to meet up outside of work.  His hormones will be going mad based on that kind of progress.

Is this an example of meeting in the middle as you mentioned in the first reply?

Yes, because you have both mutually made a move on each other at the right time.  Everything happened in a perfectly natural way.  First of all sussing out each others proximity thing, the soap incident, moving in for a hug, then later on the possesive movement from behing you.  All progressing towards getting more intimate with each other. 

Reply by rainbow_sunshine 17.06.08

i have decided to keep you updated and i am hoping you can help me get my guy!!! i just didnt want to pester you!!

I saw him yesterday and i approached him and his colleague just to say hi and to open some friendly conversation! He was saying how he had one of them weekends, and how drinking lots and getting drunk was achieving him nothing because he was getting older now, he is 25 and i am 21! could this be a sign that he is thinking about settling down a bit?

Yep and it's a hint.  When you do get to that age you usually think about settling down, because 30 is starting to approach and by that time you run out of single women and every woman sees you as old. 

(not neccersarily with me!)

Well you could say not necessarily with you, but why hint to you about it! 

I saw him again after that and i linked arms with him and we walked back to the kitchen, i said 'are you gonna drop me off at the kitchen?' and he said 'yeah, ring me when you want me to pick you up' and he mimed driving a car!!! which was sexily cute!!

Again, hinting at a date.

I then needed help with the hot water in the kitchen and i went to ask him to sort it out for me and his colleague kinda looked at me and then nodded towards me to show i was there and he said 'shes my little baby' awwww that felt nice!!!

Shows that he's getting possessive over you.  That is very cute. 

and then i cut my finger and he put a plaster on it for me and rubbed it better!!! though when he was plastering it up we were having a friendly/jokey conversation!

Getting some more touching in, so that you both feel comfortable touching each other. 

He then told his other colleague that he wanted a drink and he said 'we'll sit here with my favourite girl'!

Again he's making sure he proves to you that he sees you as special. 

However today he seemed a bit low, so we didnt speak as much!

Men have bad days just like everyone else, and when they have bad days, they don't talk like women do, they prefer to avoid people and think about things, sometimes to focus and find a solution other times just to help him recover and collect his thoughts. 

When i did speak to him he seemed a bit nervous and even said at one point 'i dont know what to say'

Guys hope that women will make some conversation and yes they do get nervous when things go quiet, because they don't know what to say and they feel rather dumb not knowing what to say. 

which made me feel bad, i didnt show it though and i began talking about my puppy who is called jeff!!

That's the way to do it, because whatever you talk about he will be fascinated, just listening to you waffle on.  And he might think of a response once you've started to waffle on.

then his phone rang and he had to shoot off!! i spoke to him through the course of the day and i said you seem busy today, he replied 'i have been busy for three weeks its no good for my stress levels'i said 'its no good for my hug levels ive hardly had any today' he laughed and said i promise i will give you one later.

And a hug as well? LOL. 

he never did, but i think thats because he was busy rather than him not liking me!!

i did manage to collar him later and we had a lovely chat and i said to him 'im sorry if i bug you sometimes?'(i dont know why i said this)

Yes, stupid thing to say, but he might let you off. 

and he said 'of course not'

It's about all he could say. 

i then changed the subject and asked what he was doing but he changed it back again soon after and said 'why did you ask me that earlier?' i said because i dont want to pester you with chat and stuff' he said 'no i enjoy our chats' and then he quickly added on 'and our hugs!'

Well at least it didn't creep him out when you said that. 

we then talked about our hair he said he liked mine the length it was and asked me if i liked his i said yes and i played with the hair on the nape of his neck then i had to leave as his manager came in, so as i left i touched the back of his neck again and he said whilst in a convo with his manager 'ill see you in a minute emma' but he must have left after that as i didnt see him!!!

we did have some hugs throughout the day but i dont want to just keep touching him up as i want to be a woman he would like a relationship with not one who he sees as a sexual object next time i see him im gonna resume touching,

It doesn't sound like he's just seeing you as a sexual object, but yes, you can give him too much.  It sounds as though you are having fun and conversation too, and you need to continue to get to know each other, so that you can move onto sex. 

how else can i touch him though should i go for hand holding or kisses on the cheek, something along those lines?

I think you should just continue to be natural, wait for your chances and take those chances.  It sounds as though things are going really well already.  I wouldn't think it would be too long before you will be meeting up outside of work. 

i really like him loads and i just want him to like me back and i dont want him to lose interest, does it sound like there is potential for a relationship here?

If anyone has a chance, then it's you, this is all so very positive what he's doing with you.  He's virtually telling you he fancies you, in everything but literal words. 

thanks for your help

Yep, you are worth the effort to him, otherwise you wouldn't get that smile. You are probably making him feel lovestruck and if you carry on as you are know, he's not going to be able to resist you for much longer.

Reply by rainbow_sunshine 23.06.08

had a bit of a weird day today!!

i was feeling very positive at this time last week and now i feel a bit dejected!!

You always have those days when you are getting to know someone.  The truth is there are two people in the equation and either you or him could be having a bad day and therefore appear to be unfriendly with the other person.

i hadn't seen my fancy man since last tuesday, so i was looking forward to seeing him and i was also a bit nervous, as i thought he may have lost interest or found someone else!!

This is a natural response because over the days you build up that anxiety, so the more days you have the more anxious you become.  That could even be the way he was feeling today.

i was feeling such AMAZING chemistry from him last week,i felt as though he wanted me just by the way he looked at me!! today i saw him sitting alone in a room across from the kitchen, so i went and spoke to him! it was a nice chat and i told him how i was going on holiday on wednesday!

He won't be too happy about that, he will be thinking how much he'd miss you.  But he'll pretend to be happy for you.

he said he would come in tomorrow even though he wasnt planning to come in then so we could see each other before i go away!

That is great for a guy to come in, just for the pleasure of seeing someone special.  After all why would a guy want to come into work if he wasn't due to come in.

i then suggested that he come and sit on my break with me, to which he said yes, i made him some tea and we enjoyed my 10 minute break together!

That's good.

after that i then bumped into him again when i was ordering stock and he came across as very laddy, he spoke about how he went on holiday last year and got really drunk and how 'the birds in the bar wore bay watch uniforms' i laughed a bit (as i felt awkward) and i said i have to go now but he said 'oh stay'

That's brilliant is shows he enjoys your company and wants to be with you as much as possible.

in a deeper voice why would he mention babes in bars and drinking loads if he fancied me,

There could be several reasons, he may want to prise from you whether you are going to go away, drinks loads and dress in bay watch uniforms.  Or it could just have been that he thought you would be impressed by that, because that's what young people enjoy doing.

thats why i left as i dont want him to talk to me about lad stuff,i dont want him to see me as a lad!

Too right you don't, you want to make him see you as a potential girlfriend.

i wasnt moody about it or anything i just said 'well i better get back to work' to which he said 'oh stay'!

He was bold enough to say it and therefore he must really mean it.

he came to say goodbye and we had a hug and i kissed him on the cheek, i dont know if i should have done that as he didnt kiss me back, which made me feel awful.

Why, you kissed him, it doesn't mean he should automatically kiss you back.

Again i didnt show it and i just carried on. although after he left he did text whilst he was at work saying he had heard something on the radio about glastonbury (where i am going) which was unusual as he doesnt usually make contact with me, i text him back and we shared about 3 texts! i text saying 'bye,hopefully i will see you tomorrow for chats and hugs?' he text back sying 'yeah i should be in so i will see you then! X'

Again, very positive, shows he really wants to see you and is not afraid to say it.

He made reference to text messaging during the day, he said 'you should send me picture messages on holiday' i dont have a picture phone so i had to decline and he said we could have video called each other!

Again, he's very keen to stay in touch, because he'll miss you. He wants to see you in person and the next best thing is to see you in a picture or a video.

then he said later that sometimes when his phone rings he loses track of what he is doing and i said 'no one ever phones me' he said 'i am gonna start phoning you' i think he was joking though!

No he wasn't, he was looking for feedback from you to say, "yes I'd like that".

i dont want to fall into the friend zone which is what i am worried about! How can i get him to look at me passionately again?

What you have said today, I certainly don't see as negative.  Sometimes things are cyclical with people, his hormones might not be high, he may have had a bad weekend, he maybe feeling tired or he may just feel as though he's not in the mood to be tactile today.  If you fancy someone, it doesn't mean you are going to have a brilliant day every day.  It doesn't mean that someone is going to hug you and kiss you and fondle you everyday.  Because then that every day thing becomes boring.

is it just because we hadnt seen each other in a week and we were unsure?

Yes, you both have had too much time to think about things. Time to get nervous, time to get anxious about when you'd next see each other, time to be worried that the other person had found someone else or might not be interested, time to develop second thoughts.  But really, usually those things happen in the man's and the woman's mind, you just need some more sustained contact to be more conclusive about how each other feels.  Unfortunately you are going on holiday now and most men will not make a move just before a holiday, because it means he'll be constantly anticipating you getting back and may feel you'll go on holiday and find someone else and then he'd look stupid, so he'll wait until you get back.

how can a week take away all that chemistry?

It can make the chemistry fade a bit, but it usually comes back once the both people lose their anxiety and get back into the swing of things again.

do you think all hope is lost sam, i dont wanna give up?

Certainly not, in fact I don't see anything negative in what you've reported to me above.

i really like him!

how can i win him back sam, im kinda annoyed with myself!

You don't need to win him back, you haven't lost him.

should i talk a bit more suggestively and start touching him lots (not in rude places!!!)

Why not rude places? Touching him is good, but really you are going to be giving him hugs and kisses tomorrow, I think that's sufficient.  You can't go rushing things otherwise you will scare him off.

i was so close and now i feel so far! im so rubbish at this stuff!

It doesn't really sound as though you are rubbish, you seem to be doing the right things and getting a positive repsonse back from him.

Reply by rainbow_sunshine 24.06.08

i didnt get to see him much today even though he came in to see me, he didnt seem interested in hugging and had to shoot off to another store!i think i scared him with the kiss on the cheek!

also i confided in some of my colleagues that i liked him and they all had the same reaction, the stay away from him kinda reaction!

his colleague said to me 'if you were my daughter i would tell you to stay away from him',my colleague told me that my manager found out he had texted me when i was sick, my manager told her to tell me not to get involved with him! i asked a male friend if the guy got alot of women (slept with them) and he just pulled a face implying that he did!  so now i dont know what to think!

Believe me, if you have a whole group of people warning you about him, then it's no freak accident.  Whilst he did seem quite confident in the way he's been with you, it didn't really dawn on me that he was that type of guy, because he did other nice things with you.  But really you need to listen to the majority of people around you, if they warn you, they know him well and you should take that warning.

i think maybe i scared him off with the kiss on the cheek, but if i had scared him why would he text me afterwards!

Because you didn't scare him, something else just resulted in him being off with you.

if someone i didnt fancy kissed me on the cheek i wouldnt text them after for fear of leading them on, even if it was just a friendly text! would you?

You are right, no I wouldn't either.

when i first met this guy i must admit he looked like your typical player, confident, good looking and he looked like he had confidence in the bedroom!

Sadly they are aspects of being a player, confident, good looking and experienced in the bedroom.  So yes, you should have trusted your gut instincts.

but i got to know him and he seemed kind, helpful and thoughtful!

but maybe my first impressions were correct, it seems strange that the people i told all had the 'dont get involved' reaction, there must be a reason for that!

if that is the case then i would rather not get involved i am worth more than a meaningless shag!

what do you think sam, have i been caught by the ultimate player?

Judging by everyone elses reactions, I would say so.  True there might be one or two that fancy you or would be jealous of you fancying him, but to have a whole load of people warning you about him, is completely different.  I do recommend you take their advice, because they know him better than you and me do.

trying to single me out and make me feel special in the hope i will put out?

Now all that has come to light, I would say he's up for a good ride if you are.  But I recommend you take the advice of all those people around you.

Reply by rainbow_starshine 19.07.08