I was at a social event where I was introduced by my friend to this guy she works with, he was funny and friendly and flirty (he stole my camera and took loads of pictures of himself and then told me I was stalking him) and I liked him from the moment we were introduced but I got told that he was having problems with his then girlfriend so I kept my distance but was friendly with him whenever I saw him about.

The fact that he had a girlfriend would have given him confidence.  The fact that his girlfriend wasn't going too well would have given him the confidence to try it on with other women.

The whole thing became really messy the night out was out with another friend and we bumped into him at a club we were at. I'll admit I was more than a little drunk and was completely flirting with him and he was flirting really heavily back, at one point he forgot my name and so I acted hurt and ran off to make him chase me and when he caught up with me we ended up kissing. Soon after he told everyone he had to leave and asked me to walk him to the door where he asked me to go home with him

He's a right confident player, isn't he, knows you are drunk, tries to entice you straight back to his place for sex. 

but I told him no because he still had a girlfriend and I couldn't leave my friend by herself

Both of which are very good reasons, another good reason is your relationship is just going to end up being about sex. 

and maybe once he'd sorted that out things might go somewhere and I gave him my number. He called me later when I'd left the club and was at home in bed and we ended up having phone sex.

Well you were both drunk and he sounds like a confident guy even when he isn't drunk. 

I then didn't hear from him for a week

Because he's only interested in sex. 

until I saw the friend that he works with and she said she'd found out about it all and talked about him to it and told me he'd said he didn't regret it but didn't want to hurt me, so I text him later to ask why he hadn't told me this himself and he said he hadn't saved my number, he said he was sorry and that his head was messed up because he had split up with the girlfriend and if we could just be friends for the time being it would take the pressure off him.

There goes the excuse but he still keeps you sweet anyway, with a champion excuse. 

I agreed and didn't see him till a week later when we all went out, I tried to keep my distance again because of what we'd agreed but also because he got really drunk, I think he took it the wrong way though because he started to flirt with the friend that had been in the club with me the two weeks previous

The wrong way, I think you are disillusioning yourself, he's onto his next conquest now, he's not particularly bothered if you flirt with him or not, he knows he can attract you back in at any time. 

and she even told me in the taxi on the way home that he'd told her he liked her and gotten her number too, I told her to stay away from him like I was and she agreed she would.

I bet she doesn't.  He's playing you all.  He wants to make himself feel really loved by having as many women after him as possible.  As soon as those women know they have competition between each other, they will all be competing for his attention and he loves it.

I then find out another week later that she ignored me and went out with him and they'd kissed and that she thought there was something between them.

Gosh, I can't believe I predicted that, I think it's not just my real life experience of guys like this but also from reading stories on my web site, I seem to know what's coming next. 

I react like I don't care to this and try not to make it difficulty for everyone involved and let them get on with it, except the night we all went out after it had all happened he sat nowhere near her,

That's because he's not the slightest bit bothered about her, he had sex with her and he will have sex with her again, if he feels like it.  He's more likely to fancy you because he didn't have sex with you as such, so you might still be a conquest that he wants to come back to later. 

knew nothing that had happened to her that week and kept running off around the club we were in barely spending anytime with us. At one point he introduced us to this guy he knew and ran off again, the guy liked me and kept trying to kiss me but I wasn't interested

Almost like he had said to the guy before he introduced him, these girls are goers, try your luck with them mate, here I'll introduce you to them.  He's running off to find his next target or victim as I would call them.

so I excused myself and asked the girls if we could go to a different part of the club.

Probably wiser to move to a different club or go home, you'll only get harrassed for the rest of the night by him and his mates.

He eventually comes back to joins us and asks why we left the other part and my friend explained what had happened and he got angry said he'd kill him and ran off again.

Likely story, all part of the smokescreen. 

I don't know if he actually did something but it didn't make sense for him to be 'dating' her and yet threatening to punch this guy over me.

Another week passed and he's started avoiding the friend he was meant to be seeing and the friend he works with eventually made him tell her what was going on and told him he had to tell her if he wasn't interested, which he did and she told us that they had decided things weren't going to work out between them.

Not surprising really, sounds as though he's a guy where nobody is going to work out with him for a lot of years.

I hadn't spoken to him in weeks, just listening to what everyone else was telling me about what was going on until this last saturday, I text him to ask him if he knew where the friend that works with him was because I wanted to go out that night, he then called me to ask why he wasn't invited

Can't miss out on a good old drunken night out followed by another woman. 

and I spluttered and didn't know what to say but invited him anyway, he said he couldn't because he was working but just wanted to be invited anyway. I text him later and told him I didn't understand where we stood as friends, asking him if it was wise to be friends with him when I still wanted to sleep with him and was I just setting myself up to be knocked back.

You were setting yourself up to be knocked back, but I'm sure he's probably going to try and keep you sweet.  Well you might get the sex, but don't expect anything beyong that.

He text me back when he got off work later that night and was overwhelmed by how much I'd 'shared' and said he couldn't tell me if I should be friends with him but he didn't want to lead me on.

Yes, he was leading you on, but trying to make it look as though he was being honest about it. 

I was thinking what to reply when he called me and asked me why I'd asked him and told him how it was confusing because he wasn't with his girlfriend now and he wasn't seeing my friend anymore and so I didn't know how to act around him. He said that he'd been stupid in asking my friend out because she assumed they had a thing and he'd only just gotten out of a long term releationship and didn't want that, he said he felt bad because he'd liked both of us,

If he had liked both of you, why use you for sex?  He liked having both of you for sex and for him to feel loved by both of you, he feels sought after and the king.  If he liked you for anything more than that, then he would have treated you better and tried to have a long lasting relationship with you.  It doesn't matter if you have just finished with your ex-girlfriend, if you really do fancy someone else, then you'll try and make the relationship work.  He made absolutely no effort with you or your friend.

I told him that if he'd picked me instead then he could have just had fun because I don't want a boyfriend (which is true) and he said that sounded good and tried to convince me to go over to his house then but it was 3am so I told him no and that I might go over the following day if he asked me, he said he would when he woke up and then we said goodnight.

Really, oh well, if that's all you are interested in, then you might as well get what you want as well.

He didn't text me all day so I text him in the evening and asked what he was up to, he told me he was just lazing about and not doing much, I asked him if he wanted me to come over and he kept asking me all these questions about how I'd get there and back and then asked me to give him an idea of what I'd do, so I text back describing (very dirtily) how and told me to come straight over, so I go to get ready but as I'm about to leave he asks me whether we should be doing it in case it ended up hurting the friend because one of her grandparents had died recently and so she'd be even more hurt if she found out we'd done it behind her back right now,

He still wants to keep this other lass on the go, so he wants to know that you won't tell her about your sexual antics.  He really is not that interested in you.  Not really interested in your friend either to risk having sex with you, but seems more interested in keeping her going. 

I couldn't believe he'd chosen her over me again and told him if he didn't feel right about it then there was no way I could convince him and he asked me to text him again soon. I text him a short while after and told him I understood what he meant and maybe it was a bit harsh doing it then and that and how it was funny that I'd turned him down and now he'd turned me down and maybe someday we'd get it right. He didn't reply :(

Thank goodness for that.  Find yourself another bloke.

So...what the hell do I do?

Find a decent bloke!  Not one that messes you about constantly and plays you off against other women. 

does it seem he still likes her more than me even though there was no spark between them? 

There's no spark between anyone in his life at the moment.  Yes, it seems he wants to have sex with her more than you, but the fact he even considered having sex with you, suggests he doesn't really value her that much either.  I would say he finds her a more attractive option than you, probably because she agreed first time and a guy wants a woman that is not going to mess him about.  You messed him about and made it more difficult, which in a way is a good thing, because now you should see him for who he is, a guy that plays off other women against each other.

(his words) Is he just being a nice guy in not wanting to hurt the friend?

I don't think nice, should even come into your frame of mind about this guy.  What are you thinking?  All he is bothered about is making himself feel loved.  By talking about her grandparent he's basically manipulating you, so that you don't sprag him up to his new victim.

or is he giving me the brush off and I'm not seeing it?

He's giving you the brush off, but I'm sure if he's not getting any sex elsewhere he will have a go at brushing you back towards him. 

We're all going out together to a new club on this saturday and I have absolutely no clue how to act around him, please let me know what you think.

Try a different club and go back to this new one, when he is not there!  Really, you shouldn't give a toss about how you act around him.  Just be yourself, and try your best to avoid him and find someone decent.

Reply by ChiChiChi 20.02.08

Thanks for answering so quickly, its hard to accept but I think you're right, I've started by refusing an invitation out tonight to a place he's probably been invited to aswell, I'm going to keep away from him until I know I don't feel vunerable around him anymore.

I hope I find that decent guy soon.

I hope you find a nice guy too.

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