I am an Asian girl who is crazy about an English man 11 years older.

Pretty asian women are always an absolute dream for english men (with emphasis on the "pretty" rather than any ugly ones). It's like the forbidden fruit, english men stand little chance of getting with them because of their culture. The different culture makes them more interesting but makes them unlikely conquests. English men see any attempt to win over an asian woman is likely to head for failure and men don't like failure, so they are very likely to keep persuading themselves not to make a move on asian women.

From a religious perspective an english man never knows where he stands with an asian woman. Is he allowed to touch her? Is he allowed to have sex with you before marriage, because he just can't wait to get his hands on you. Is he allowed to date her? Does she have to have an arranged marriage, where her parents choose her husband? And most important of all, will he get harrassed if he does date her? By harrassed, will English people be difficult with him, when your out with him, will asian men be difficult because you have taken one of their women. And even will your family attempt to kill him because it is against their culture to allow an english man to go out or wed their asian daughter. It all goes through a guys head when he thinks of attractive asian women. It really is a culture that builds up myths and barriers in an english guys mind.

On the other side of the coin, is the fact that asian women are usually just amazingly sexy when they are young. They have slim figures, beautiful dark shiny hair, smooth silky skin (and asian skin is something which an english bloke rarely gets to touch). There personality is very different to the majority of modern day english women. Asian women are seen as women that have traditional family values, where they are happy to stay at home and look after the family and cook and are very loyal (so they won't go looking for other blokes to have an affair with, again this maybe a myth but it is what an english bloke believes). This is immensely attractive to a guy that wants a long term relationship and it is how women were in past centuries in this country.

These points are probably one of the biggest reasons why there are so many failed relationships in this country now. The majority of women have moved away from their traditional values of only having sex with only one man, spending time cooking and looking after the family, instead they want careers, money, material items, plenty of sex and excitement in their life (which to a certain degree is fair enough because you only have one life, so why shouldn't you enjoy it). But this only suits the guys that want to use women for sex and excludes the guys that want marriage for life.

It works two ways as well because the guys that are in a marriage are more sought after by women that want a casual relationship, eventually that temptation is just too good for men. Made more tempting by the fact their marriage is often not going that well, because both of them have careers and both have a lack of time to look after the house and family. On the one hand it means women and men can easily get out of relationships they don't want to be in, but on the other hand it breeds insecurity because you never know when your partner might be playing away.

For these reasons asian women are seen as ladies that are more willing to stay at home, cook, spend valuable time with the children and will generally remain loyal to the one man (this might be a myth in a man's mind but that's what he generally thinks of asian women). All perfect attributes to a man that wants a long term relationship.

We had some professional dealings with him about two years ago for about 5 months and that's how we first met each other. I started to notice him while i dealt with him on a professional level, initially i was just physically attracted to him but then as i started to know him more my admiration towards him grew stronger. We both were on good terms, plenty of eye contacts (obviously because of being professional), sometimes we both winked at each other,joked with each other,sometimes he would try to make conversations with me out of the blue which surprised me, he would mirror me few times, there was a light hearted flirting going on ( which i like to do anyway even with my male mates)

I never recommend flirting for fun with your male friends unless you fancy them. It gets you a bad name, if these guys get confused and ask you out and you reject them. The other guys are going to think, I don't know whether she is doing the same to me, so I'm not going to ask her out, because it is just too risky. You then get labelled as a teaser.

on the whole i would say we had sort of unsaid communication going on.

I am quite a bold and a strong person personality wise but when it comes to the person i fancy i become very shy especially in his case where either i would become red,

Becoming red is really a turn on for blokes. It brings colour to your cheeks which makes you more attractive and it means your either hot, embarrassed or turned on. In what other situation do women become red? When they have sex, and for this reason seeing a woman with a blushing face is likely to make him think of you in a sexual sort of way, which is what you want from a guy that you fancy. So basically I wouldn't be too concerned about turning red, just relax in the thought that it makes you look more attractive and gets your adrenaline flowing.

would have ants in my pants (would run away from him), or would start shaking (that has never happened to me before).

This may initially make it more difficult for him, because he will find it difficult to communicate with you if you are nervous. He may also confuse your nervousness as meaning that your apprehensive about your feelings towards him. Nevertheless he would probably try and relax you with his sense of humour and try and make you forget about your nervousness.

We had/have a very good rapport with each other and he tries his best to make me at ease. At that time i did notice that he started to dress himself better, sometimes would be ready to do things for me out of the way (whether that meant being a gentleman or not i don't know), i have seen him blushing which he desperately tries to resist (i think),

So he is doing exactly the same as you. He's blushing as well, sounds like your unconcious minds are having a competition of, "who can turn each other on the most".

lots of smiles (i mean absolutely loads)and i have also noticed a twinkle in his eye when he talks to me.

Yes, this guy really is sounding like someone who is busting to make a move on you.

Something i would like to add that in between all these times i know for sure that I also managed to impress him not just by my looks but by my other qualities as well e.g. i am a good cook, i come from a very respectable and well knit family and have strong bonds with my loved ones, good family values, good taste and an eye for things etc.

Here we go, this emphasizes the points that I raised above. You are a good cook, "the best way to a man's heart is through food" is just one of those sayings. Nowadays english women expect a man to take them out to a restaurant, probably because they can't cook or won't cook. And family values is just priceless nowadays.

If nothing else i know for sure that there was/is some electricity between us (some sexual tension perhaps!).

A bit about his background, he is divorced with two kids 10 and 15 and he already has a girlfriend (now i know what you are thinking and so did I). Anyway, after our professional dealings were over we met at a couple of parties. In both the parties we flirted with each other except that the second time he was a lot drunk. He came with his girlfriend but ended up chatting to me the whole time he was there, kissed my hand couple of times, put his hand on my shoulders, complimented few times saying "she is the most good looking girl in the room" etc.

That just says it all. He came with his girlfriend but spent most of his time with you. Is he really interested in his girlfriend? Didn't his girlfriend come over an interrupt? You are the most good looking girl in the room. Would he even think of saying that if it wasn't true, would he ever say that if he didn't mean it. I don't think so.

We had some really good conversations with each other in the party but never crossed that line. In fact, he was very careful with me at all times how he approached me with touching or conversing, mainly because of cultural differences, as whatever is acceptable in this country may not be acceptable in my country...which always impresses me.

Exactly it's difficult enough approaching and flirting with english women, but to approach and flirt with an asian woman with cultural differences you have to be immensely careful you don't offend her.

I was so thrilled after that night that he gave me some attention as i didn't know whether he finds me attractive or not?? But after the party as if he completely changed, his reaction towards me was absolutely professional, no flirting just a pleasant appearance.It was as if he knew he flirted with me but blamed it on the booze.

I don't think so. There are several reasons why he could be doing this. He may have thought he made a fool of himself on the night and has damaged his reputation or that you maybe didn't feel the same way about him. Or most likely he is now sitting back to see your reaction to what happened. So he will be waiting to see if you are still keen towards him and he will be trying to distance himself from you because if he continues to look too keen you might lose interest in him. Instead he has aroused your suspicion by acting not so keen and put up a challenge to you, to demonstrate that you don't mind him flirting with you.

To flirt with someone, you have to actually have the other person flirting back equally to be reassured that your flirting is actually welcome. For that reason it turns out to be like a game. Where both of you flirt, then both of you withdraw, then both of you gradually start flirting again.

Now i know the reality between us and that i have no right over him etc etc he has got a lot of baggage etc but i just want to know what did it all meant. I know that drinks makes you lose your inhibitions (man or a woman) etc but i would really like to know what do you think ??

Alcohol switches off the reasoning part of the brain. When you switch that reasoning part of the brain off it has different effects on different people. Alcohol makes some people violent, others it takes away their sexual inhibitions, others just say anything they ever wanted to say when they were sober but didn't have the guts to. In this case I think it gave him the courage to say and do the things he wanted to do when he was sober, so he said you are the best looking woman in the room, he flirted with you and touched you.

I guess i just want to know what was going on in his head??

From what you have said I reckon he does fancy you. But there are many things he finds difficult, like the difference in your culture, the fact that he may not be sure whether you fancy him or whether your flirting for fun. Getting together successfully is all about mirroring each other throughout each stage. So when he's flirting you should equally be flirting, when he is touching you, you should be touching him. When he wants to kiss you, you should want to kiss him, when he wants to have sex, you should be ready to have sex. So basically to get a successful relationship both of you need to be moving at the same pace.

Followup message:

Thanks so much for your insight and a quick reply which I needed from an English man's perspective. You have raised few points in my mind about how an English man would think before approaching an Asian woman ( I am an Indian by the way) e.g. when you said "Pretty asian women are always an absolute dream for english men (with emphasis on the "pretty" rather than any ugly ones). It's like the forbidden fruit, english men stand little chance of getting with them because of their culture. The different culture makes them more interesting but makes them unlikely conquests."

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However, what also comes in my mind that they may just see that as a mere conquest but when they have achieved what they wanted they may never see you again. That's my conception of an English man (sorry to be blunt). In a way i see that happening with this man in particular as well.

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You may be right to a certain extent, it would end up looking like a conquest, but not entirely on purpose.? But I would say many men wished they could have a long relationship with an Indian woman.? The only thing is there are too many barriers in the way of that.? The biggest barrier is peoples perception of a relationship of an Indian woman walking down the street holding the hands of an English guy.? Or an Indian woman walking down the street with a half English half Indian baby.? What will be the reaction from both English people and Indian people.

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So what I would say, is an english man would look at an Indian woman such as yourself and say I would love to have a relationship with her.? You might go out a couple of times, he might have your family reject him or aggressively try to get rid of him, he would get the micky taken out of him by his mates and would not be sure how his family would react. Or at least that would be his perception of how things might turn out.? Then he would eventually get sick of all the issues involved and it would end up just looking like a conquest.? I don?t think he would be entirely sure whether an Indian woman would allow sex before marriage, so he wouldn?t be sure about making a move sexually towards you, even after being out on a few dates.

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At the party what happened i completely dismissed all that based on the fact that he was very drunk...i thought he doesn't know what he is saying or doing even though he was handling his drinking very well. He was actually making perfect sense and i checked couple of times whether he is listening or not and he was. He was/has always paid full attention when ever he talks to me. But i thought he is like that with everyone e.g. he is a good listener. I also wonder whether he likes to flirt with women in general, if he is doing that in front of his girlfriend, he is well capable of doing things behind her back as well.

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I always find it a bit strange when girlfriends allow blokes to flirt with other women in front of them.? It?s almost as if their relationship is not that serious, or as if they are interested in threesomes or have a mutual agreement that I can flirt with women and you can flirt with men.? I suppose after all, if you are with someone, that person has to be the love of your life, so whatever other temptations are available you should always be devoted to the love of your life, even if you flirt for fun with other people.? As long as someone sticks to that you know they are devoted you rather than the temptations they encounter.

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I don't know what i'll do from now, i have fallen for this man big time (may be the wrong person). I often thought of telling him how i felt for him but i don't have the guts. His life is already so complicated and don't want to disrupt his life again. He has gone through a bad patch with his ex and divorce and my guess is his current girlfriend comforted him during that. So i really respect her for that...she is actually a nice looking, kind hearted lass and i think i would leave them alone. May be he take her for granted that she loves him too much and that he can take advantage of that i don't know.

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To me, any move has to come from him because of his complicated situation, then if your interested at that point, you can move for him too.

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My guess is, he is looking for a woman who could also be a mummy to his kids. It's enough for me to know that he fancied me once but that he is happy in his comfort zone now.

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I don't know whether i can ever trust an English man as i don't know how faithful they are. People can't see more than just a physical state of a person in this country may be that includes me as well.

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There are faithful English guys out there.? I think it is just a case of English women find the more unfaithful guys attractive. Not quite sure whether this is a deliberate thing (because English women want a guy that is experienced in bed) or whether they are just attracted to the English men that they don?t realise are unfaithful.? I find it very frustrating the modern day culture of English relationships, because it breeds divorce and relationship breakdown and that leaves children without proper families.? In some respects I like the Indian culture more because it breeds a family that sticks together for life (though I don?t like the idea of arranged marriages, no offence, if that causes offence, it's just my opinion that a woman should not be forced to marry a guy!).

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Very few of us can see real people with good values.You said that good family values are priceless but even then men would still be tempted if somebody would come on their plate isn't it??.

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Women tend to find the unfaithful men more attractive, whether deliberately or accidentally.? So if you get with these men, then they are likely to give in to temptation.? But there are men out their and indeed women that will always be faithful to a partner.? It?s just the modern day culture of English people have made those type of men, very rare and perceived as unattractive.

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I admire people (men or women) who can resist temptations like this if its for a good cause.

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To me, if you get married and certainly if you have children, then it?s a damn good cause not to resist temptation. Unfortunately too many men and women think they can get away with an extra-marital relationship.

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Well enough of ranting i guess....i'll give you an update if there will be any(ummm a broken heart).