| He's not interested in sex anymore and I'm only 28 |
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| Written by confused1978 | |
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Well where do i start my problem is my partner of 3 yrs is not interested in sex any more we make love once a fortnight with it being a two minute wonder. I am attractive and keep myself looking good however we have had a lot of stress in the last year. I have a 6yr old from a previous relationship and we have a one yr old together it being his first child. My mum is in hospital with a mental illness in which i have had to take on my 10yr old sister. He works hard and provides and is always with me but has little interest in sex. I have spoken to him about it but get no answers please can you give me some advice and i am only 28 and feel as if my sex life is over and possibly my relationship too.
Certainly at 28 your sex life should be far from over. There must be something causing his lack of interest in sex, it is just not like a bloke to be not interested in sex too often. So there must be a hidden reason somewhere There are many reasons why: he may feel as though you are stressed out, so he doesn't want to put any pressure on you to have sex, He may feel as though your relationship is not going well, He may not be attracted to you anymore, He hasn't got the energy to do it more often at the moment, He may have a lack of self confidence and can't think of anything more exciting to do in bed or lack some conviction to introduce new things in bed, He maybe stressed out at work, he could be seeing someone else and getting his sex from somewhere else (though you are likely to see the signs if he is having an affair). He may want you to spice things up in bed in order to get things going again, He may feel as though you are not devoting enough time to him because of all these children you are looking after and your mum (Though this really should not be acceptable reason). He may be scared that you are going to turn out to have a mental illness like your mum. There are probably an endless amount of reasons, so don't presume it is one of the above. Needless to say, the only way to find out the real reason, is if you ask him. But you do need to be careful, how you ask him. It may be a very sensitive issue and it could cause a big argument if you don't ask him correctly. If you get in a strop with him and start shouting at him what's your problem, that's going to turn a bad situation into something even worse. You need to ask him calmly and listen to him without butting in with an argument against what he is saying, you need to reply with a caring response (depending on his answer). There are things that you can do to spice up your relationship. For example you could get some new sexy underwear or sexy clothes. Something new and sexy will get him to see the sexy side of you again. So when your up for sex, wear these new sexy clothes or underwear. If you hug him and you are up for sex, whilst hugging him you could grope him lightly in the lower regions, almost like you accidently did it. I must emphasize that you are up for sex when you try these things because you want him to realise that they are a cue for you to have sex. You also have to choose your timing, if he looks tired after work then he will be less responsive to any sexual advance. He may need you to dominate a bit in bed and take the lead and make him do the things you want him to do, by giving him instructions. He may want you to get more vocal for example when he is doing things you enjoy, you shout "give me more, harder or faster or that's nice". Lots of women think it is a man's job to dominate in bed, to be quite frank some men get bored of this, because a man is eventually going to run out of new things to do. A lot of women think it's a man's job to move her about and fail to make any significant movement themselves whilst in bed. A man gets a kick out of women telling them they enjoyed that sex session or if he made you orgasm or come, tell him he did, that will give him a boost of confidence and encourage him to do it again or try something different. For some reason quite a few women are shy about praising a man after having sex. I agree it's maybe not wise to praise men in the early stages of a relationship but certainly in a long term relationship when trivialities of playing hard to get is over then there is no reason why a guy should not get some praise every now and then. Far too often men just get whinged at for the bad things they do and lack any praise for any of the positive things they do, this situation deflates a man's self confidence because all he is hearing is bad things about himself. This is usually a very good reason for him to go elsewhere and look for some praise and look to boost his self confidence again. Another situation you might snuggle up in bed, again when your snuggled up you could let your hands stray and start stroking the inside of his legs and his lower region. Once you feel he is aroused you could reach into his pants and either go under the covers and give him a blow job or just play with him until he decides he is so turned on, he wants to have sex with you. Again this means that you take the right opportunities at the right time. If he responds negatively to any one of these situations then you should back off and not try any of the other things for a few months and indeed try to avoid even having sex with him every two weeks, as if you took his turn down as thinking that he wasn't interested in sex with you at all at the moment. But don't say that. If you stop his sex every two weeks then he will start to crave sex a bit more, because it gets him out of that routine of once every two weeks. But this should be the last resort. I don't know whether you are a housewife but basically there are situations around the house where you can make yourself look as though you want sex there and then or that you want him to touch you there and then. It's a bit more difficult when you've got kids but if they are not around you could try a few of the following. Bending over to reach down to the oven, staying there for longer than usual when you know he is looking, obviously you will need to be wearing some sexy clothes. Wearing a low cut top or with a few buttons undone on your blouse and bending over. Even going back to doing some of things you do in the early stages of a relationship such as rubbing your breasts against him when you are reaching over him. The very last resort is for you to show absolutely no interest in sex whatsoever anymore. This will make him realise that he can't take sex for granted with you and may make him more keener having sex with you. If you restrict having sex with him, you have get to be ready for him to just burst one day and grab hold of you and want sex there and then. But this option can backfire in many ways so is a risky solution, it should only be tried for a maximum of a month. Because if he is not getting sex from you he might seek it elsewhere. |
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