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Want to succeed in the dating game? Follow these rules and you won’t go far wrong.
Commandment 1: Thou shalt tell the truth
It’s tempting to polish the truth about yourself in an online dating ad. Reckon you’d get more hits if you said you were 29 rather than 36, or five inches taller and a stone lighter? No problem – just fib. But you’re setting yourself up for a humiliating fall. When your date arrives to see that you’re shorter and fatter than you said you were, that’s not a great start. They’ll also wonder what else you’ve lied about. Besides, lying is a mugs’ game. You lose your chance to attract people who want you for what you really are, not what you pretend to be. In short, lying is pointless if you have any desire to get from date one to date two.
Commandment 2: Though shalt not be too picky
Many people lose patience with dating, whether it’s online or offline, because they can’t find anyone they like. What? With hundreds of thousands of people posting profiles and cramming the nation’s pubs and parties? The trouble arises when you approach dating with unrealistic expectations. Your perfect match is not going to fall out of the sky, and it’s highly unlikely that the first person (or even the first few people) you date will hit your buttons or fancy you back. Broaden your remit and meet people who don’t tick every box. Think about it: the people you’ve fancied in the past haven’t always fitted “your type”. Meet people who go beyond your narrow notion of Mr or Ms Right, and you may be pleasantly surprised.
Commandment 3: Though shalt meet quickly
Don’t allow yourself to be sucked into email conversations that drag on for weeks or (yikes) months. It happens a lot, and it’s madness – because when finally those people meet, they can never exactly match the image in each other’s head. So you may think you’re really making “a connection” via email, but you can’t judge chemistry unless you meet up. Six emails in total – not each – is more than enough to know whether you want to meet someone.
Commandment 4: Thou shalt not rush things
Once you’ve met up, now it’s time to take things slowly. If the first date goes swimmingly, don’t assume you’re a couple. Look forward to seeing your new guy or girl, and give them a chance to think about you. Under no circumstances should you tell them that you love them in the first month – heck, let’s say two months. No, make it three. It’s the biggest guaranteed way to scare them off, and it’s not even true. At this stage it’s that other bone-shaking brain-melting L-word: lust.
Commandment 5: Thou shalt have a life
You may be falling hard for your new amour, but give them (and yourself) room to breathe. You had a life before you met; carry on with that life now that you’re together. You’ll be all the more attractive and intriguing for it. Don’t bombard them with phone calls and texts, and certainly don’t make any “surprise” visits. The cliché about always leaving them wanting more works perfectly in a relationship. Let it grow at a gradual pace that allows you to get to know each other.
Commandment 6: Thou shalt not assume this is The One
It might seem romantic to declare after a week or two that you’re soulmates, but you’ll just come across as overbearing. Invest too much emotion into a new relationship, and you stand to get badly hurt if and when it doesn’t work out. Remember that your new partner is a real person with faults, not to mention a whole life outside of you. Try looking after number one a bit more, taking a step back and putting things into perspective – love is just one element of life, and it never runs smoothly.
Commandment 7: Thou shalt not give too much information
You have a past; your partner has a past. But discussing the details of those pasts, especially the bits with boyfriends, girlfriends and spouses in them, could seriously harm your prospects by leading to unnecessary jealousy and competitiveness. Badmouthing the ex, or laughing drunkenly about the weirdest one-night stand you ever had, may seem like a great idea at the time, but it really isn’t.
Commandment 8: Thou shalt not be best mates with thy ex
So your ex is your best pal, helping you through the ups and downs of love and dating? Forget it. If you want to succeed with a new partner, you cannot be in regular touch with your ex. It’s like talking about past relationships – it will make your new partner feel insecure, and that’ll create seven shades of ugly feeling between you. By all means stay on good terms with your ex – occasional catch-up emails are OK, and say hello when you bump into each other. But that’s all. Focus on the person you’re with now.
Commandment 9: Thou shalt not flog a dead horse
Don’t lead someone on by continuing in a relationship that’s just not working for you. It takes guts to walk away, especially if you’ve been together for a while, but hanging around is just wasting everyone’s time. The sooner you break the news, the sooner both of you - especially your rejected partner - can mourn and move on to a better match.
Commandment 10: Thou shalt take it on the chin
It’s a trusim that every relationship, except the one that you’re in when you die, will end in tears. And for every one relationship that turns pear-shaped, there are many more pulling attempts that fail. Learn to roll with the punches without thinking “woe is me, I’m fat and ugly, there’s no point any more”. Take a “no thanks” with grace and self-respect. If the other person isn’t into you, then they’re not right for you. And look on the bright side – it leaves you free to be with someone who really does appreciate you. Good luck!
(original source:http://lifestyle.aol.co.uk/dating/the-ten-commandments-of-dating/article/20080121071709990001)
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