Unfortunately I’m going to have to give priority to my personal life. I want to thank everyone who has contributed since I started this web site in 2006 you have helped many other women in the process and there are now many thousands of articles to read on my web site. In the future I might return to answering questions but at this present moment in time I really need to concentrate on other areas of my life. This web site achieves around 72,000 page views per month which I'm very proud of but I'm struggling to balance it with my personal life. The web site hosting is paid through until January 2014, so you can expect to be able to search through previous posts for my words of wisdom until January 2014.

I know in the past I’ve mentioned that I’m going to have to discontinue the web site, but this time I really am going to have to go ahead and do it. This web site can’t continue forever, particularly as it’s not my full time job. It is disappointing having to give up the web site, because I enjoyed giving ladies the opportunity to release their frustrations anonymously.

I was hoping the release of my book in January this year would allow me to gain some income and maybe even allow me to work full or part time on the web site. Unfortunately book sales have been disappointing and after contacting a number of organisations for publicity, none have provided me with any publicity. It's simply a matter that I don't have the contacts within the media industry, because I believe if the book was publicised it would sell millions.

Thank you to all those who have contributed to the web site and helped others with their messages. For now the web site will continue to have an archive of help files, a sort of knowledgebase for you to search.

Reply by Happy 05.08.2011

Dear Sam,

It's really disappointing that you now have to discontinue the website. The more I read through your site, the more I am learning from both your opinions and the ladies' experiences. Unfortunately for me, I am back to on my own along the way to find that someone who fits =P.

Understandably though, your career and personal life take the ultimate precedence. Many thanks for providing your precious time and resources to create this medium. And most of all your words, the empathy and honesty, speak volumes of your character.

The very best wishes to your endeavours. And wishing you and your special loved one a happy and fulfilled journey together!

Sincerely,

Happy with Lots of Smiles

(I am going to make sure I pass on the knowledge I learned here and along the way to my daughter, when it comes to that)

I hope your future daughter and generations to come benefit from my web site.

(Re: the 12 steps to a Relationship)

Sorry a quick question, one of your articles had a hyperlink to the 12 steps to a Relationship. The context was the steps to take to building a strong relationship; but the link is broken. Is the article still somewhere? Thanks!!

Reply by Sam 05.08.2011

Thank you for your comments, I will be replying to the message you sent yesterday a bit later. This 12 steps that you refer to was taken from a forum posting by a visitor from my web site. I deactivated the forum a few years ago. Here is a copy of the posting for you:

Posted by the user "glory" and taken from one of my favourite authors when I was in my teens, he is Desmond Morris:

Pair bonding was first reported by secular zoologist Desmond Morris in Intimate Behavior.

The Twelve Step to Pair Bonding.

Stage 1: No Touch

Step 1: Eye to Body

First glance is not sexual look but the look of discovery. First glance takes in size, shape, coloring, age, and personality. Immediately an unconscious grading process begins, rating the person on a scale of low to high desirability. First glance determines whether or not the relationship progresses.

Step 2: Eye to Eye

This will frequently occur in a library or office setting. When the eyes meet there will be a quickening of the heartbeat along with the flush of embarrassment, causing a breaking of the gaze and glancing away. Direct eye contact is reserved for those we know and trust. So two people who see each other for the first time will usually look each other over sequentially rather than simultaneously. Unless the eyes convey a message of interest, the relationship will probably not proceed.

Step 3: Voice to Voice

At first, the couple’s conversation involve small talk such as each other’s name, where they live, what they do for a living, the weather. Such small talk, however, permits further observation and analysis. If the couple continues to talk they can really get to know each other, including opinions, pastimes, hobbies, ideas, likes and dislikes, hopes and dreams for the future. Compatibility can be determined here. A couple should spend many hours at step 3. I stress as many as 1,000 hours talking on the phone while acquiring skills that will be critical to their relationship and possible marriage later on. Each is exploring his or her inner self and becoming vulnerable, a major task when intimacy is developing. This step cannot and should not be ignored. The relationship needs to be slowed down now, before romantic touch begin. After romantic affection begins, the couple will interact differently.

Stage 2: First Touch

During the second stage of bonding, the couple spend much time talking, but eye contact remains limited. Touch begins but none of it is directly sexual. Prolonged hugging or open-mouth kissing would rush the bonding process and awaken sexual responses ahead of schedule.

Step 4: Hand to Hand.

First touch may be innocent–a handshake, or touching while assisting a woman through a doorway. If she pulls away from his touch, it signals him she is not ready for more. But if his touch is received warmly, the relationship may move to hand holding. Holding hands is evidence of a growing attachment between them. First touch is also a social statement that says, “I have someone who enjoys being with me.”

Step 5: Arm to shoulder

Soon the thrill of holding hands subsides and a new plateau is needed to show continued interest. During hand holding the bodies have not been that close, but arm-to-shoulder pulls the trunks of the bodies into close contact and the thrill returns. The shoulder embrace says more than holding hands does. It’s a gesture of ownership that states, “This relationship is going someplace.” There is still limited eye contact and verbals but closer body contact.

Step 6: Arm to Waist

The excitement of holding hands and arm-to-shoulder eventually wears thin. So to bring back the thrill, the couple move to arm to waist which displays more ownership of the body. The arm around the waist clearly signals romantic interest. Notice also that the hands are moving down the body closer to the genitals. You might observe a couple walking down the street, each wearing jeans, in the step 6 position. Sometimes each will slip a thumb inside the back pocket with the hand resting directly on the buttocks. He knows exactly where his hand is and may be entertaining some interesting thoughts: If I can touch her here outside the clothing, I wonder if I might touch her inside the clothes.

Couples can frequently be observed at this stage of bonding on a school campus, or at a park. Their bodies are close but they appear to be looking down, talking to their feet. Deep levels of communication develop at this step. Personal disclosures are made. The basic issues of life are discussed and evaluated. Many personal secrets are shared and a couple really get to know each other at a deeply personal level.

Values, goals, and beliefs must be scrutinized closely because it is now that th future of the relationship must be made–whether it should progress or end. Enough personal disclosures have been shared so that compatibility can be evaluated. If serious doubts or questions exist, now is the time to say good-bye. Proceeding to step 7 or beyond and then separating can leave deep and painful scars because by then the bond is so well formed.

Stage 3: Intimate Contact

At this stage the couple face one another. Although no direct sexual contact occurs, the change in body positions puts sex on a hidden agenda that both become acutely aware of. Any genital contact would bring on intercourse and could scar the formation of a healthy bond, introduce an undercurrent of mistrust, and haunt the pair later should they marry. Communication is different. Until now the couple has been developing their communication skills. Now the verbals shut down and eye contact and nonverbals take over.

Step 7: Face to Face

As the couple moves face to face, three types of contact take place: hugging, deep kissing and prolonged eye contact. The verbals shut down and close body contact in this frontal position combined with open-mouth kissing and tongue thrusting bring on strong sexual arousal, particularly when repeated or prolonged. Much restraint must now be exercised now since the position excites sexual sensitivities. If the couple has taken time to talk through important issues deep communication can take place with few words. Eye contact becomes long and pronounced. Verbal communication tends to shut down while the couple reads each other’s face.

A couple must guard their display of physical affection carefully from now on as all sexual motors are racing.

Step 8: Hand to Head

Here one’s hand is used to caress the head of the other while kissing or talking. This intimate gesture is reserved for those where a high level of trust has been developed. Few people engage in head-touching unless they are in love or are family members. This act, then, denotes emotional closeness, a deep bond of friendship, love, and caring.

Step 9: Hand to Body

Now the hands explore the partner’s body. Breast fondling becomes important for the male. In the early stages of step 9 the hands remain outside the clothing. Later the hands will move underneath the clothing but stay above the waist. Step 9 is dangerously progressive and includes back rubs and other caressing. Each time the couple goes to step 9 they have more trouble stopping at step 9. It is usually now that the female recognizes she must call a halt or it will be too late.

Stage 4: One Flesh

Ultimate intimacy is achieved.

Step 10: Mouth to Breast

Step ten requires the baring of the female breast and demands utmost privacy. The couple is not only concerned with pleasure and arousal but intend to complete the sex act.

Step 11: Hand to Genital.

The hands drop below the waist. Sexual arousal and foreplay are well under way in this last and most intimate stage of genital fondling. Mutual masturbation involves fondling the genitals to attain climax without intercourse. This is done in a vain attempt to retain virginity for marriage and to avoid pregnancy and STDs. Faulty reasoning!. The dictionary defines virgin as “a person of either sex remaining in a state of chastity.” This definition shows that purity has already been lost since touching the genitals of a partner would hardly be considered chaste, pure, or virtuous in any culture. Technically it is only a breath or two away from intercourse.

Step 12: Genital to Genital

The pair-bonding process escalates to its highest level of sexual desire and is complete with penetration and intercourse. A pair bond is thus formed by progressing through these twelve steps. But the goal should be more than sexual pleasure. The goal of bonding is to develop a strong unbreakable bond.

Reply by backhand 05.08.2011

Sam:

Sad to see you end this site. It's been a joy to read; you've always been very helpful and a true gentlemen in your replies.

Obviously to continue with an endeavor that isn't making any profit, but consuming your time, effort and finances is a real challenge. The fact that you've endeavored to do so for the years you did is a true testament to your integrity and perseverance.

You can walk away with the confidence that you did an awesome job, but also helped so many ladies, and even some men, who perused this site and sent you their personal life stories. Sometimes it's easier to discuss personal topics as shared on this site with a total stranger rather than with someone you are close to. However, after time, despite the thousands of miles that separate many of us from you; I've come to feel as if I got to know you a bit and grown to appreciate all you've done.

Thank you for assisting me with all my questions/concerns in the past. Your insight as been so helpful and given me some peace of mind on issues that no one else could. You didn't have to read my thorough, and probably somewhat boring scenarios, but you did. You didn't have to respond to anything I wrote and do so in a timely fashion, with true personal wisdom, objective commentary, and in a concise format.

Where ever life takes you, I wish you all the best and hope that you have/or will find your soul mate. It took me until I was 32 to find mine. Sometimes the best thing in life are worth waiting for.

God bless and Take care.

Thank you backhand. I wish you good luck too. There are many memorable people on this web site, that I feel as though I know as well. When I receieved messages I visualised the situations in my head almost like I was there watching, that's how I managed to reply to messages. After imagining those situations, I too felt as though I knew the people I was answering. I wish you and everybody else the best of luck too.

Reply by confused 10.08.2011

Many Many Many thanks for all the help advice opinions and information that you have given me in the past all in relation to just one man.

I can understand fully that you have to put your personal life first and also can understand how much time, effort and input the Seduce Men web site must take up.

I have just purchased your book (paperback version) so I will look forward to receiving that and absorbing all the info in it for future reference. You will be very sadly missed by a great percentage of thr female population out there.

All the very best of luck and sincere very best wishes for the future in whatever direction you decide to pursue. Thanks once again for all your help with "my man".

I would like to thank you too and all the other people that have contributed to the web site. Your messages will have helped many other ladies who had similar situations. I will miss the web site and will miss messages from people that I feel I almost know. My aim was to give my opinion and also allow women to anonymously vent their frustrations, frustrations that they probably couldn't discuss with friends or family. In addition I was very proud to get some people together, some people out of abusive relationships and some people who I gave the confidence to just go out there and find someone and they did just that. Thank you for ordering my book, it will be with you in 5 working days and I hope you enjoy reading it. Sam

Reply by A.woman 11.08.2011

hi Sam. Ever since i stumbled upon your website one lonely night in 2006 I have asked you many a question in different guises, and like an angel you answered every single one of them with your special brand of humour and wisdom and insight! I always wondered how you managed to do it and still keep a career and social life! Just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart and wish you as much luck and happiness as your words of wisdom have brought me and many other women! x

That was one of the many things I thought was important about this web site. People should be able to remain anonymous to other visitors and even anonymous to me. For all I know I could have had my next door neighbour email me, but I would never know. Thank you for your kind words.

Reply by sweetsophie 14.08.2011

Sam, sad news about the website. I wrote to you 18 months ago about my best male friend/colleague and the lack of progression in our intimacy. You thought his actions indicated sexual frustration/interest but not the desire for a relationship - it took another 6 months for us to have a passionate affair but sadly you were proved completely right - he was emotionally unavailable and hurt me greatly. Just wanted to let you know that all your responses to my original question were spot on!

Sorry to hear that I was actually right, because I really don't like bad things happening to people. However, thank you for giving me an update and letting me know that I was correct. It's always good to hear how things progressed with people, even though in this cirucmstance it went wrong. Thank you for the praise and I hope you find better hapiness soon.

Reply by elly 01.09.2011

Sam,

Only dip occasionally into your site and will miss end tho it's totally understandable.

There are some real gems of wisdom I'm sure that I and many other will take with us.

Thank God your site is still going to be up for another couple of years, so we can keep on getting answers to our questions about the opposite sex, albeit it through archives.

Really appreciate you doing this--even if it is 'only your view', it still helps the rest of us get some idea of what's going on with the opposite sex.

Thanks for maintaining such a great site for so long.

Thank you for your kind words. I do hope people find it useful using my web site as a knowledgebase, it does have a wide range of topics in thousands of articles.

Reply by Ash 18.09.2011

I've just found this site and have loved your comments - especially when you say women are too scared to ask guys out. So true! I've been with lots of girls (lost count!) and what you say is so right. Shame it's ending though. Good luck with your own personal life! Ash

Thank you Ash. I did have some men message me over the years to say they completely agreed with what I was saying. It's good to hear that they agree with me and they too enjoyed reading my web site.

Chattebox2102 19.11.2011

Can you come back? :(

How else are you earning a living? You're a genius at this stuff

Unfortunately I can't come back at the present time, I can't rule out a return in the future but at the moment I'm just too busy.  I do still read messages sent to me, I just don't have time to reply.  Thank you for your kind comments, but at the moment I must concentrate on my personal life.